AHOY! IT BE upon us once again. Yes, International Talk Like A Pirate Day is here, or rather, he-arr.
In fact, it’s the tenth anniversary of the celebration of all things piratical and seven-seas-sailing. Which means there’s really no reason why you – yes, YOU – shouldn’t be celebrating it. Me hearty.
Anyway, we-arr he-arr to help. Here’s the Daily Edge guide to celebrating ITLAPD 2012:
1. Set your Facebook language to ‘Pirate’
You might as well start at home. Here’s how:
- Go to the downward arrow at the top right of your home screen, and click ‘Account Settings’.
- Go to ‘Language’, and click ‘Edit’.
- Select ‘English (Pirate).
- Enjoy ye fruits o’ thy labour:
2. Walk the plank
Or make your pets walk it. Whatever. Avast, ye scurvy moggy.
3. Learn the words to the Talk Like A Pirate anthem
That would be Ke$he’s We Arr Who We Arr. All together now: “If we meet ye you’ll need surgery / I’m a man who loves me jewellery.”
4. Splice the mainbrace
Here’s why you splice the mainbrace, according to Wikipedia:
If the mainbrace was shot away, it was usually necessary to repair it during the engagement; the ship was unmanoeuvrable without it and would have to stay on the same tack [...] Splicing in a large run of hemp was strenuous work, and generally the ship’s best Able Seamen were chosen to carry out the task under the supervision of the Bosun.
But here’s the real reason:
On completion of the task, it was customary for the men to be rewarded with an extra ration of rum.
We suggest that anyone not in possession of a mainbrace simply skip straight to the rum part.
5. Learn the pirate dance
Uh, it’s pretty easy. (Gets going around 1:10)
6. Teach a parrot to talk
But do NOT, whatever you do, have sex within earshot of a parrot. Or you could end up with this. (Warning: contains sex noises. And not just “yarr”.)
7. Try out some pirate pickup lines
Here are some suggestions from the ITALPD official website. In the unlikely event that they prove successful, be mindful of the advice in #5.
- “Come on up and see me urchins.”
- “Prepare to be boarded.”
- “That’s the finest pirate booty I’ve ever laid eyes on.”
- “Is that a belayin’ pin in yer britches, or are ye just pleased to see me?”
Remember, THIS COULD BE YOU: