IT’S THE FRIDAY of a bank holiday weekend and the pub is tempting you in with its promise of craic and good times.
But you’ll more than likely get into rounds when you’re in there – which is just the worst. Here’s why:
1. If you’re broke, it’s a financial commitment that could be the ruining of you
“Fancy a pint?”
“Eh, yeah go on.”
A simple conversation that could bankrupt your perilous finances on any given night.
2. Some poxy friend of yours will always be drinking something more expensive than you
“Enjoy your cocktail” you say through gritted teeth.
3. You then feel pressure to change your order to match it up with the extortionate price of their drink
It forces you to think tactically.
A vicious cycle that leads to both of you drinking Long Island Iced Teas at 6pm on a Tuesday.
4. Or, you’ll be the one drinking something more expensive and the feelings of guilt will hit you like a freight train
They say it’s grand but deep down you know that €2 extra per drink is eating away at your friendship.
5. Rounds do not take into account the plight of slow drinkers – and never will
You’re about half way through your drink and you see them slurping up the final drops of theirs. Now you must go to the bar immediately, or at least make an empty gesture to.
Is this right? Is this just?
6. Just going along “for one” is impossible under the rounds system
It’s a harsh, punitive regime whereby at least two drinks will be purchased – and it’s usually more.
7. When somebody doesn’t get you back in the round, the rage you feel inside ruins everything
“Oh, sorry, got to run here. See you next week!”
“But… my… drink…”
You’ll never forget the first time somebody didn’t stand their round. Traumatising.
8. When somebody joins a round HALF WAY through, you stress about it for the rest of the night
“Wait, are they really in the round? What’s the etiquette here?”
9. The drunker you get, the more complex the round system becomes
When does it end? There is a time when the chaos of the pub takes over and the inequality of the rounds system rears its ugly head.
End it all. Right now.
10. Sometimes it ends up that you owe somebody a drink and you probably won’t be out for pints with them for another month
Carrying that guilt. Thanks, rounds.
11. And finally… you feel like the dryest of dry shites when opting out at the start of the round
You feel like it’s the calling card of the minus craic community – which is why banning them as a nation would take away this feeling immediately.
So, the benefits of the rounds system can be summarised as “I’m not arsed going to the bar each time.” And while that is a fair point, the many, many negatives easily outweigh it.
So let’s stop them immediately.
