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Dublin: 11 °C Friday 22 August, 2014

So, what if #PromNight was a real prom?

Michael Noonan, Enda Kenny and the lads head to the Leinster House High Debs…

So last night was #PromNight in the Dáil. You can read all about it on TheJournal.ie, but here at DailyEdge.ie we’ve taken the hashtag to heart. Here’s Michael Noonan’s alternative Prom Night…

MICHAEL SIGHED, LOOKED in the mirror and gave his hairs one last flick with the brush.

Maybe tonight would be the night the ECB would ask him to dance, maybe he’d be named Prom King and maybe he’d finally get to third base with that IBRC Resolution Bill before it turned back into a pumpkin.

“Michael Noonan, you’ll be late for the dance if you don’t get a move on” came the call up the stairs.

It was going to be an interesting night at the Leinster House High Debs…

Julien Behal/PA Wire

Welcome to Prom Night

“Welcome to Prom Night, 6 February 2013″ read the banner hanging over the entrance to Leinster House High.

The usual cliques were already gathered in various parts of the gym, although something was stirring that was bringing some unlikely bunches together.

Over by the jacks Gerry Adams and Micheál Martin were deep in discussion, and so were Enda and Eamon, while Richard Boyd Barrett and Pearse Doherty were giving out yards about something near the DJ.

“There’s gonna be a rumble tonight lads” (Photocall Ireland)

Stephen Donnelly meanwhile looked deep in thought, and troubled.

Michael spotted Mick Wallace lepping around to a bit of Status Quo in the middle of the hall and remembered that earlier that night he’d been on the phone with the lads:

(Photocall Ireland/Press Association Images)

He’s definitely going to wear pink
Eejit
Ah he’s alright
Well, it IS a Wednesday. On Wednesdays we wear pink

“Howayiz lads” (Photocall Ireland)

Noonan wandered past Michael McGrath. He was RAGING about something. Somebody had blabbed about winding up IBRC, as if it needed any more winding up.

Michael sighed.

“This whole thing is a wind up”, he muttered to himself.

Pearse Doherty was jeering some of the lads in the corner, and Mr Ceann Comhairle – who’d taken a night off from correcting essays – threatened to kick out anyone who was acting the maggot.

The vote

Suddenly there was a bit of a commotion on the stage at the front of the gym. The time had come to nominate the King and Queen of the Prom.

Joanna Tuffy called for names, prompting jeers from Richard, Joe, Catherine and Shane, who called the whole thing a shambles and a fiasco.

Photocall Ireland

Simon Harris and Joan Burton stopped dancing to Careless Whisper, and Mick and Clare Daly ceased chatting as a hush fell over the hall…

I nominate Michael Noonan for King, and the IBRC Resolution Bill for Queen…

That was Enda.

Then Brendan Howlin piped up…

Yeah. I agree.

More jeers from some of the lads, and calls for Stephen Donnelly for King, while Micheál Martin and Pat Rabbitte got into a scuffle at the back.

“Ah give over” thought Noonan, all the while wishing and hoping that his name would be the one called at the end of the night.

“Me head is wrecked lads” (Niall Carson/PA Wire)

Then, it was time to vote.

Michael crossed his fingers behind his back and willed for his name to be called out. That would show them. Show them all.

One by one the students of Leinster House High filed up to vote (none of that fancy electronic voting mind… there had been a problem with the machines at last year’s dance).

And the Prom King is…

The principal Mr Squee Higgins was on hand to make the big announcement and climbed up onto the stage.

Julien Behal/PA Wire

And the Leinster House High Prom King and Queen are….

“Come on, COME ON” (Julien Behal/PA Wire)

… Michael Noonan and the IBRC Resolution Bill 2013!

“YESSSSSSSS. HAHA! Told yiz!” (Julien Behal/PA Wire)

Michael took The Bill by the hand, and together they took to the stage, triumphant, as the strains of Time After Time began to play in the background…


YouTube

Suddenly, the door opened, and a deep Italian voice said:

Michael, may I…?

Mario Draghi and the way he might look at you (AP Photo/Michael Probst)

And with that Michael danced into the night with the ECB.

“Where’s Richard Boyd Barrett?” someone said, as the weary revellers got ready to head out into the night.

“He’s outside. Crying”.

Niall Carson/PA Wire

To see how it actually went down, take a look at our Liveblog of last night’s events>

Explainer: What happened last night?

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