AH, VALENTINE’S DAY. A day of love for many, a day of crushing disappointment for most.
It doesn’t often live up to these eight expectations, so thanks a lot Hollywood.
1. You’ll be taken out for a lovely meal
It’ll be like a scene from Pretty Woman. Your other half will have a new outfit laid out on the bed when you come home and will whisk you away to a scene like something from a Honeymoon brochure.
In reality, it’ll be staying in having something edible in the shape of a heart, that was never naturally intended to be in the shape of a heart.
Hey, you’ll eat it at the table instead of on the sofa though, small mercies and all that.
2. There’s a huge surprise for you
Flowers? Jewellery? A CAR? Aisling G got engaged last Valentine’s Day so maybe John has got ideas…!
If the proposal you’re looking for is a proposition to spend the night entwined in some novelty underwear, then maybe.
3. That person you fancy will finally reveal their true feelings towards you
Surely they’ve been picking up your vibes and have been waiting for today to reveal themselves?
Oh wait no, they still haven’t acknowledged that they still know you exist.
4. ANYONE will finally reveal their true feelings towards you
Those secret admirers you always suspected you SURELY had? Keep on hiding in the woodwork, guys. Maybe next year.
5. The home arrival
After a long slog at work, you’d like to think you’ll come home to something like this:
Open the door, however, and you’ve forgotten to put on the heat and the other half hasn’t done yesterday’s dishes yet.
6. You’ll get some kind of card in the post
Even ONE would do like. Do people still send cards? Anonymous secret admirers still exist, right?
You wouldn’t know, because you’ve never got one, despite constantly taking a bigger interest in the post every February 14.
Oh just bills? Don’t care anyway…
7. The person you’re sort of seeing will impress you big
The relationship is in the early stages, and you’re not technically ‘together’. This means that they’ll probably go all out in an effort to win you over. Right? RIGHT?
If playing it casual and refusing to acknowledge you wins you ov… well, yeah, it probably does.
8. Your anti-Valentine’s Day girls or boys night out will cheer you up
Own it. You don’t need no man!
Every nightclub will be Valentine’s themed, speed dating, traffic light ball, full of those who are mad forrih.
The grim reality hits and you’re sobbing at 1am while texting your ex. At least regret will now encompass disappointment.