EARLIER TODAY, THE government delivered its so-called “spring statement”.
A lot of people weren’t mad on it.
With that in mind, we decided to quickly compile some helpful “spring statements” for us all to abide by.
#SpringStatement
1. Always have an umbrella on your person
Spring Statement #1: Don’t be fooled by how pleasantly mild it is outside. This is Ireland and it is still liable to rain at any moment.
Don’t get caught out.
2. Just book your NCT Test already
Spring Statement #2: Don’t leave booking your NCT Test until the last minute. Book it well in advance and save yourself the heartache.
3. Yes, it’s officially acceptable to comment on the “grand stretch”
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Spring Statement #3: There is indeed a grand stretch in the evenings and, yes, it is perfectly acceptable to discuss it on social media.
Go forth and spread the grand stretch gospel.
4. You still must be extra cautious when hanging the washing out
Spring Statement #4: It might be mild, but there’s not always good drying out there. (See Spring Statement #1 for advice re: rain.)
BEWARE.
5. Don’t be worried if this happens…
Spring Statement #5: It doesn’t make any difference whether it’s spring or not — you still need to turn the heating on. That’s Ireland for you.
Don’t fight it.
6. The spring clean is the single most daunting task on the planet
Spring Statement #6: Spring cleans are too much to handle. Just give the place an auld sweep and save yourself the stress.
7. Just because it’s sunny doesn’t mean you have to go for a pint
Spring Statement #7: We know it’s easy to get caught up in the novelty of a bit of sun, but don’t let yourself get peer pressured into going for a pint every single time there’s a ray of sunshine.
After all, we’ve got a long summer ahead.
