1. Nobody arrives before the pubs close, unless you’re underage
2. You can be as locked as you want going in, but play it cool when the bouncer stops you to say ‘good evening’
3. Got in? Great. The ‘coat pile’ is a totally acceptable security system
Sure the cloakroom is a rip-off.
4. Once you’re settled, you’ll need to ‘do a lap’ to see who’s there
5. Jäger’s Law: The amount you’ve drunk is directly proportional to your skill and grace on the dancefloor…
… up to a point.
6. Bar receipts should be scrunched up, put in your pocket, and forgotten until you’re at your most hungover and vulnerable the next day
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7. If there is an attendant in the toilets, you must either (a) ignore them completely or (b) try pathetically to become their best mate
8. It’s fine to set a mission for the night.
9. Everyone goes to the smoking area, even if they don’t smoke
It’s where all the best #banter happens.
10. Every dancefloor will contain one drunk couple who slow-dance whatever the music is. It’s the law.
11. And one man who is convinced that he is Roscommon’s answer to Young Jeezy
Even if they’re wearing a GAA jersey. Nay, ESPECIALLY.
12. That moment when the lights come on isn’t good for anyone
13. And finally: When it’s time to go, do not say goodbye. Just leave.
You can text your mates from the taxi.
