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# satire - Saturday 12 May, 2012

Not The News

Here’s the week’s news… skewed

12/05/12 2,636 Views No Comments

BREAKING via The Mire wire: The Leaving Cert could be the death for Chinese language and Ó Cúiv’s new job as a party pooper in Perth.

# satire - Saturday 5 May, 2012

Not The News

Here’s the week’s news… skewed

05/05/12 3,968 Views 6 Comments

BREAKING via The Mire wire: Continuity Irish Dancers turn vicious over ringlets row; 12 million bungalows for Athlone; Michael Noonan takes Miss Ireland crown as ‘warning’…

# satire - Saturday 28 April, 2012

Not The News

Here is the week’s news… skewed

28/04/12 3,249 Views 7 Comments

BREAKING via The Mire wire: A Garda sat-nav cult and Phil Hogan scales Liberty Hall, Lucinda in paw.

# satire - Saturday 21 April, 2012

Not The News

Here’s the week’s news… skewed

21/04/12 4,251 Views 5 Comments

BREAKING via The Mire wire: Cash for Water Meters outlets and the three top causes of unwanted pregnancies.

# satire - Friday 20 April, 2012

Humour

Column: On a ‘bold’ priest and his seditious message of love

20/04/12 5,840 Views 4 Comments

This week, the (Not) Primate of All Ireland tries to avoid being influenced by the arrival of a ‘maverick’ priest who wants him to be nice to gay people and for clerics to be able to marry.

# satire - Saturday 14 April, 2012

Not The News

Here is the week’s news… skewed

14/04/12 2,800 Views 5 Comments

BREAKING via The Mire wire: Government ministers hearing voices (one in particular); schools cut out children altogether; cars feel confined by parking spaces.

# satire - Friday 13 April, 2012

Humour

Column: Cardinal Rules – on hairdryers, Big Ben Dunne and the Titanic ‘industry’

13/04/12 4,831 Views 9 Comments

This week, the (not) primate of All Ireland recalls the terrible events after Ardfillan won the county final: ““The whole team went into the dressing room, roaring and shouting like apes. Then they put on all the hair dryers…”

# satire - Friday 30 March, 2012

Cardinal Rules

Column: Cardinal Rules – On the household charge and the stranger at the door

30/03/12 4,964 Views 6 Comments

This week, the (Not) Primate of All Ireland and his pals worry about levies, escaped convicts… and spiked lemonade.

# satire - Thursday 29 March, 2012

Comedy This post contains videos

Coming back for a new series? Yes, Prime Minister

29/03/12 3,382 Views 16 Comments

The classic BBC comedy ended in 1988 but its writers are set to bring the series back to life.

# satire - Saturday 24 March, 2012

Satire This post contains videos

VIDEO: What if… the British ruled Ireland?

24/03/12 9,431 Views 59 Comments

Satirical video proposes Ireland give back the reins of power to the UK. Well, sort of. What do you think of the short film?

# satire - Friday 9 March, 2012

Humour

Column: Cardinal Rules – On gay rights

09/03/12 3,206 Views 21 Comments

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland worries about the support of the Tories and Fianna Fáil for gay marriage but finds a new champion in a Scottish colleague – and relief in Winning Streak.

# satire - Friday 24 February, 2012

From TheJournal.ie Humour

Column: Cardinal Rules – What NOT to do on your Lenten fast

24/02/12 4,931 Views 14 Comments

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland tracks his colleague’s ‘progress’ with his sponsored fast – including an awkward incident with a chocolate Swiss roll…

# satire - Friday 13 January, 2012

From TheJournal.ie Eamon Gilmore

Gilmore: I’m not the invisible man

13/01/12 3,041 Views 44 Comments

The Tánaiste said this morning that he has “never worked as hard in his life” and rejected claims that he has been invisible.

# satire - Friday 6 January, 2012

Fun

Column: Cardinal Rules – On January boot camp for the boys

06/01/12 3,534 Views 16 Comments

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland observes a morale-building exercise, complete with assault course and Dr James Reilly’s speech-giving techniques.

# satire - Saturday 24 December, 2011

Humour

Column: Cardinal Rules – The Three Wise(ish) Men

24/12/11 2,995 Views 8 Comments

This Christmas Eve, the (not) Primate of All Ireland brings his specially-extended version of the tale of The Three Wise Men… and an aubergine.

# satire - Friday 9 December, 2011

Opinion

Column: Cardinal Rules – On giving Brian Hayes a helping hand

09/12/11 3,484 Views 5 Comments

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland reflects on the needy and vulnerable of Ireland, including members of Government who now have to subsist on only several thousand euro a week…

# satire - Friday 25 November, 2011

Opinion

Column: Cardinal Rules – on hiring housekeepers

25/11/11 3,922 Views 4 Comments

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland gets with the guidelines and indulges in a touch of “positive discrimination” when hiring for the clerical household.

# satire - Friday 11 November, 2011

Opinion

Column: Cardinal Rules – on ‘Endaism’ (ignoring the worst-case scenario)

11/11/11 808 Views 2 Comments

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland contemplates the usefulness of looking on the bright side. Incessantly.

# satire - Friday 28 October, 2011

Opinion

Column: Cardinal Rules – On Bertie Ahern vs Steven Seagal

28/10/11 1,197 Views 7 Comments

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland was torn between the Bertie interview and a Steven Seagal movie on TV – and learned that the two men are not as far apart as you would think…

# satire - Friday 21 October, 2011

Humour

Column: Cardinal Rules – Making sense of this crazy world

21/10/11 1,020 Views 8 Comments

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland copes with the break-up of the wholesome group Boyslife – and the reunion of the Stone Roses.

# satire - Friday 30 September, 2011

Humour

Column: Cardinal Rules – There’s a guy outside my Tesco swears he’s Jesus

30/09/11 619 Views 4 Comments

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland has a house guest – a bearded young man who wears sandals and speaks in Biblical tones. It couldn’t be… could it?

# satire - Thursday 29 September, 2011

The Onion

Has The Onion gone too far with #CongressHostage story?

29/09/11 3,002 Views 28 Comments

A ‘news story’, tweets and now a video falsely claim there is a hostage situation involving young children at the United States Congress building in Washington. It has not gone down well in some quarters.

# satire - Friday 23 September, 2011

Satire

Column: Cardinal Rules – on Sinn Fein’s presidential campaign

23/09/11 2,468 Views 41 Comments

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland is greeted by the Martin McGuinness supporters – but it all goes terribly wrong…

# satire - Monday 19 September, 2011

Opinion

Column: Cardinal Rules – on the annual trip to Knock

19/09/11 1,236 Views 5 Comments

This week, the (not) Primate of All-Ireland brings the priests on their annual pilgrimage to the Mayo shrine. But is one of his clerical flock tempted by a (not ‘Our’) Lady?

# satire - Friday 2 September, 2011

Humour

Column: Cardinal Rules – On keeping the FF dream alive…

02/09/11 420 Views 1 Comment

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland blesses a new hotel for old pal and ex-Fianna Fáil TD Mattie O’Moore – and learns a little about humility and the value of the JobBridge scheme.

# satire - Saturday 27 August, 2011

Humour

Column: Cardinal Rules – On tour with Il Papa

27/08/11 824 Views 8 Comments

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland heads to Madrid to see his Holiness work the crowd and find his inner rock star.

# satire - Friday 5 August, 2011

Humour

Column: Cardinal Rules – Croagh Patrick for purists

05/08/11 1,881 Views 10 Comments

This week, the (not) Primate of All-Ireland details the trials of the recent Reek Sunday – where fun has started to ruin the penitential tradition beloved of (not) Bishop Brophy.

# satire - Friday 29 July, 2011

From TheJournal.ie Humour

Column: Cardinal Rules – On defending Morrissey

29/07/11 822 Views 9 Comments

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland has to play peacekeeper in the terrible row over Morrissey: “an undisputed genius” or “a big mountain of stupid”?

# satire - Friday 22 July, 2011

Humour

Column: Cardinal Rules – What happens in Lourdes, stays in Lourdes…

22/07/11 1,603 Views 10 Comments

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland embarks on the annual parish pilgrimage… but will everyone get home safely?

# satire - Friday 15 July, 2011

Humour

Column: Cardinal Rules – The lesser-known story of Zacchaeus

15/07/11 1,374 Views 27 Comments

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland retells the tale of the short tax collector who climbed a fig tree to see Jesus – but wasn’t so hot on inviting Him back to the house for dinner…

# satire - Friday 8 July, 2011

From TheJournal.ie Humour

Column: Cardinal Rules – Keep your Oxegen, we have Priestopalooza…

08/07/11 981 Views 7 Comments

The (not) Primate of All-Ireland has no intention of heading to Punchestown this weekend – he’s still recovering from a Declan Nerney-inspired stampede at the ‘Weekend for Jesus’ music and prayer festival…

# satire - Friday 1 July, 2011

Humour

Column: Cardinal Rules – On helping the Pope to tweet

01/07/11 1,271 Views 4 Comments

This week, the (not) Primate of All-Ireland is drafted in to help his Holiness to get to grips with Twitter. “He receives a tweet from the Dalai Lama. ‘Dude,’ it says. We just ignore it.”

# satire - Friday 24 June, 2011

Humour

Column: Cardinal Rules – On how to organise a social media protest

24/06/11 1,110 Views 3 Comments

This week, the (not) Primate of All-Ireland tries to mobilise The Bebo, The Twitter and The Facebook to protest against a “shocking” art exhibition.

# satire - Friday 17 June, 2011

Humour

Column: Cardinal Rules (Part 28) – On my pal Padre Pio

17/06/11 794 Views 5 Comments

This week, the (not) Primate of All-Ireland marks the anniversary of Padre Pio’s canonisation with his recollections of their boyhood friendship… and their caravan holiday in Tramore.

# satire - Saturday 11 June, 2011

From TheJournal.ie Column

Column: Cardinal Rules (Part 27) – On the presidential campaign trail

11/06/11 531 Views No Comments

(Not) Cardinal Sean Brady recounts one eventful day on the campaign trail as Bridie Keegan pushes to become president.

# satire - Sunday 5 June, 2011

Humour

Column: Cardinal Rules (Part 26) – Running the Parish newsletter

05/06/11 700 Views 1 Comment

The Not Primate of All Ireland hands over the running of the newsletter to a colleague. Hilarity, inevitably, insues.

# satire - Friday 20 May, 2011

Humour

Column: Cardinal Rules (Part 25) On breaking bread with the Queen

20/05/11 2,307 Views 14 Comments

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland records the royal goings-on at the State dinner for Queen Elizabeth II at Dublin Castle. “I eventually manage to distract Enda Kenny with the bread basket…”

# satire - Friday 13 May, 2011

Humour

Column: Cardinal Rules (Part 24) On the joy unconfined of watching Jedward

13/05/11 3,028 Views 7 Comments

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland relates the excitement among the Fathers as they settled in for last night’s nailbiting Eurovision semi-final: “We decide to do the Rosary early to get it out of the way…”

# satire - Friday 6 May, 2011

Humour

Column: Cardinal Rules (Part 23) On the beatification of Pope John Paul II

06/05/11 1,314 Views 2 Comments

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland gives us a peek at his diary from the Vatican last weekend:”We are as excited as a bunch of schoolgirls on their way to a Cliff Richard concert”.

# satire - Friday 29 April, 2011

Humour

Column: Cardinal Rules (Part 22) Liveblogging the British royal wedding

29/04/11 291 Views No Comments

This week, the (Not) Primate of All Ireland gave us a blow-by-blow account of the action from (almost) inside Westminster Abbey.

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