1. Most Irish teens seem to be operating under the misapprehension that we live in Miami
The crowd at Longitude was, by and large, quite young. And most of them seem to think that we live in Miami.
Boys were sporting the Ibiza vest and shorts combination, while girls were wearing crochet bralets and tiny denim shorts. Some lads decided to forego shirts altogether — reader, we spotted one young man shivering on Saturday night.
Did we mention it was, oh, 17 degrees?
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2. We discovered that we’re absolutely ancient
If walking among thousands of Irish teenagers didn’t make you feel positively prehistoric, then overhearing teenagers reminiscing about listening to Galvanize by The Chemical Brothers (released in 2005) with their dads when they were kids would have been enough to make you Google “nursing homes”.
Don’t you dare imply that The Chemical Brothers is “dad music”.
3. And God help you if you were a teacher…
Because you were bound to bump into some of your students.
God help you.
4. If there’s one thing teenagers love, it’s Hozier
Okay, everyone likes Hozier, but teenagers are obsessed with Hozier.
We witnessed hordes of teens absolutely legging it to Hozier and singing along like their hearts depended on it.
5. Irish people love freebies
One of the hottest accessories at the festival over the weekend was a “deck chair” made from cardboard that Hula Hoops Ireland were giving out to revellers.
It was basically just a sheet of cardboard that folded, but people loved it.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
6. Sneaking drink in was basically impossible
Security was tight and attendees were subject to frisking, bag searches and a metal detector on your way into the site.
Therefore, anyone who successfully managed to sneak a naggin in was permitted to brag about it for the day.
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7. You couldn’t swing a cat without hitting a flower crown
We even spotted some lads (read: BANTER LEGENDS) wearing them ironically.
Oh Lord.
8. Oh, and bindis are officially back
Remember the 90s/early 2000s when people wore bindis on the regular?
Well, we’re sorry to inform you that the bindi has made a comeback.
Welp.
9. There is nothing sadder than witnessing a reveler drop eight pints
We know this because on Friday we witnessed a young man drop a carrier containing 8 pints to the ground. (At €6 a pop, that was an estimated €48 gone down the drain.)
We overheard a young woman sympathise with him, saying, “Oh my God, I’m so devastated for you right now!!!” but we don’t think it did much to soothe the pain.
10. It takes an epic two-day hangover to calm Irish people down
If Friday and Saturday were slightly manic/chaotic, then Sunday was an oasis of calm.
Look! People sitting in the ground soaking up the sun and listening to the melancholy musical stylings of José Gonzalez. That’s what happens when you’re suffering from a two-day hangover.
11. But there’s nothing like The Chemical Brothers to perk everyone up
There’s nothing like thousands of people dancing in a field to Hey Boy, Hey Girl to get you in the festival mood again. Even if you have a hangover.
Until the Picnic…
