EVERY MORNING, we dig through the celebrity dirt to bring you the best of it. Here’s The Dredge…

“Something pretty gigantic” was involved in Prince Harry’s night of strip billiards at a Vegas hotel. And it’s not even a willy joke – an anonymous source has said the poor, put-upon prince’s problems may be about to get worse when the full story emerges. (Las Vegas Review-Journal)

Meanwhile Harry’s troubles continue at home, as his excellently-named girlfriend Cressida Bonas is apparently not so much into the naked billiards. “Harry has blown it,” an ‘insider’ said. Again, no willy jokes here. (Perez Hilton)

And apparently the army aren’t happy either: Harry’s royal ballgame “raises concerns about his mental readiness to deploy on high intensity operations”. (Radar Online)

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The Words

The Minx: What Katy Perry apparently “played” when she went out on a dinner date with fellow new-singleton Robert Pattinson. He, meanwhile, “was looking at her breasts all night” as they shared a candlelit dinner. Aww. (The Sun)

Small: How Playboy bunnies Carla and Melissa Howe described Tom Cruise, after the actor turned up at his 17-year-old son Connor’s DJ gig in London. Carla said Tom “is still very good looking. The only problem was he is quite small and we were both wearing heels, so we had to bend over to talk to him.” (Celebrity Fix)

Connor Cruise DJing at a New York party last month. Small father not pictured. (YouTube/AssociatedPress)

Hop it: The words (or at least the sentiment) inflicted by bouncers on One Direction’s Niall Horan, at his own bandmate’s 19th birthday party. Security staff failed to recognise Niall at Liam Payne’s party at a London club, but he managed to talk his way in in the end. (Irish Sun)

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The Dirt

Jersey Shore star Snooki has had a baby. According to a statement from her rep, “The world just got another Guido!!!” (TMZ)

Opera singer Katherine Jenkins has received death threats after denying rumours of an affair with David Beckham. (Radar Online)

Liberty Ross, whose husband Rupert Sanders smooched Kristen Stewart, is taking a leaf out of Enda Kenny‘s playbook: she’s ordered Rupert to follow a Five Point Plan to save their marriage. (Perez Hilton)

In the everlasting battle of the Irish Models, Nadia Forde has won a round – claiming the role of Good Queen in this year’s Christmas panto after being “snubbed” for Georgia Salpa last year. (Irish Daily Star)

Pity poor Kim Kardashian: she’s worried that her career-launching butt has grown TOO BIG. Heaven forfend.

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The Barrel Scraper

Over to you, TMZ:

Ah.