WHATEVER SOCIAL MEDIA outlet you end up spending inordinate amounts of time on, there are certain “types” you always encounter.
From Facebook to Twitter and right through to Instagram there is certain behaviour that turns normal people into monsters.
Let’s take a look at some of the people you’ll meet:
Probably more likely to be on Twitter trying to get their favourite obscure band to notice them, but also known to pop up in your Facebook comments section too.
This is the person who says “Oh yeah nice cat video/ironic dance remix of a 90s R&B chune/GIF of Beyoncé. I totally had that on my blog 3 days ago.”
We get it, you’re super cutting-edge. Let us enjoy our cat video in peace.
The new parent
HelloBlueIvyCarter / Tumblr
We get that your bundle of joy is absolutely a bundle of joy, and not just a baby that could look like any other baby for the first 6 months.
But do we really, and we mean really, need to see multiple pictures of your new arrival on our various timelines all day?
After all Beyoncé didn’t reveal Blue Ivy’s face for ages! Let’s all strive to be more Beyoncé-esque on this one.
The Instagram addict
Kaptain Kobold / Flickr
The curse of social media saturation is how much we spend time taking pictures of stuff for no good reason at all (we’re looking at you, people filming entire gigs on their ropey phone camera).
Instagram makes that the worst. If you’re stopping to take a picture and filter everything to bits constantly, you’ll never have any fun.
And you’ll probably have a sore neck from looking at your Instagram feed all the time. Ouch.
The party animal
This person is basically the cousin of the Instagram addict.
If someone posts an album of 2,345,020 photos of them from their Friday night out theY were probably having no fun.
In fact that album named “GURLZZ NITE OUT!1!!” could be renamed “Girls who spent the evening constantly trying to get the light right for another selfIe”.
See also: the people who make you take multiple pictures at any kind of event and say “ONE MORE FOR FACEBOOK!!” Oh dear.
The Check-in Obsessive
brennanMKE / Flickr
Checking-in has become an art form thanks to Foursquare and its ilk.
Now it’s not enough to turn up somewhere, take a trillion pics and tweet that you’re having dinner. You have to give the exact location and say who you’re with too.
It’s like being 16 and trying to convince your parents to let you spend the evening in McDonalds again. “Who will be there? Where is it? Will you make sure and check-in with me and/or Foursquare about it? I’ll be worried sick”.
The Bebo Nostalgia Head
PA/PA Archive/Press Association Images
If you know anyone who thinks it “would be so fun” to repost old pictures of you from social network relics like Bebo or the old Myspace (there’s a new one. Don’t ask. ) then you can feel free to cut them right out of your life right now.
Go on. We won’t judge.
The Selfie Lover
Steve Parsons/PA Archive/Press Association Images
Selfies, ie taking pictures of yourself, are integral across social media
But if we’re going to insist on taking pictures of ourselves, why the silly faces?
Let’s put an end to the duckface and act a bit more natural. Go on. It’ll be fun.
The Tumblr kid
The Nothing Corporation / Flickr
They’re young, cool and love to reblog gifs and outrageously hip outfits.
If you’re a Tumblr kid or just know one, you’ll know it’s basically a never-ending collage of whatever cool thing is cool right now. Cool.
See also: People obsessed with Pinterest.
gettingburritos / Imgur
Whether they’re insisting on using them on Twitter non stop or (even worse) on Facebook, lots of people are going overboard on the hashtags.
The Hashtag Addict loves nothing more than messages with sayings like “WELL I AM SO #EXCITED ABOUT #MY #WEEKEND #LOL #GROOVY #KEEPING IT COOL#”. Shudder.
The Passive Aggressive Nightmare
It’s so annoying when certain people sitting on my left in the office break wind! So annoying!!
If you see a status like that then you’ve just spotted the Passive Aggressive Nightmare. Run while you still can.
Because if SOME people didn’t put up their passive aggressive statuses we could all get along better. You KNOW who you are. NOT saying any more.
The person who likes their own status.
There is nothing so funny / important you could post on Facebook etc that requires you to like your own status / comment / Instagram pic or similar.