CUT DOWN ON sugar, they said. But it’s just too haaaard.
You’re addicted, and it’s a hard slog.
1. When you’re forced to use sweeteners and it’s just NOT THE SAME
You refer to it as poison despite spiking your bloodstream with syrupy coke on an hourly basis.
2. Your friend gets you a Diet instead of a ‘real’ Coke by mistake
And by friend, we mean former friend.
3. This is your favourite stop in a shopping centre but it’s constantly surrounded by kids
On the upside, you’re taller than the kids so can reach over them, win.
4. You take tea in your sugar
Your tea is basically a cup of tea-soaked sugar and you’ll never feel like a proper adult until you cut it out.
You don’t really trust other people to make you a cup because they never give you enough. What is this, rations?
5. You always feel guilty about breakfast
You KNOW you should be eating porridge or bran but let’s face it, you’d drown them in sugar anyway.
OK, OK, well have some wheat toast.
6. You always want dessert
Even if you’re stuffed, this is happening. If you can resist the words ‘molten chocolate brownie with cream’ then you seriously have no emotions.
7. Fruit is good for you but it’s not sugary enough
Fruit’s sugar content should be to your advantage, but it’s not. You’ll always go for apple drops over an actual apple.
8. You’re silently ashamed when someone blasts a cake as being ‘too rich’
Way to complain about too much of a good thing.
Don’t worry cake, we got you.
9. Reduced-sugar confectionery literally features in your nightmares
The world needs to stop interfering with nature like this.
10. The Sugar Loaf is your favourite mountain
Why can’t we eat you?
11. You can’t understand why anyone would want savoury snacks
Nachos? Chili cocolate, peanuts? Monsters.
12. You make it through a whole day without having any sweets, only to treat yourself with some sweets
You deserve it, well done you.
