CHANCES ARE, YOU’RE watching the Brits.
Please, that’s rude, give us your full attention. Awards shows are sorta like sports for people who don’t like sports, but watching them is just such an emotional and existential rollercoaster.
Feel all of these feels.
1. Excitement
You’re not 100% sure why you want to watch a bunch of famous people giving themselves a pat on the back, but you do, you do.
You may have even gotten some ‘goodies’ to watch it with, you mad thing.
2. Frantic tuning in
If you’re not near a telly it’s a nightmare finding streams online… perfectly legal and high quality streams of course. Of course you don’t have E!, what are you a millionaire? What you do have, are many many computer viruses. You are not alone.
3. Red carpet critiquing
Listen, we all know that this is the best part. It’s the glorious question:
Now we get to share our unsolicited and uninformed opinion on everyone who dares to arrive at a decent time.
We hear Britney was devastated to hear that Aine from Balgaddy didn’t like her little black number.
4. Initial irritation
WHY is this being broadcast? This is wasting our airspace. A mani-cam? If they air kiss each other again, extreme things will happen.
There’s the remote? As if.
5. Disappointment
They cut to the ceremony BEFORE Brad and Angelina arrived? Cool pricks, showing up late like that. And where was Benedict Cumberbatch?
6. Laughter
The opening is always the best, ALWAYS. The host takes the mick out of people in the audience and we concur that there should be more slagging, all of the time.
7. Boredom
Here’s the award for the ‘best obscure reference to an internet meme within a comedy or international drama in a foreign language feature’. Really? In fairness, if we knew that the Grammys give an award for best liner notes we would have spent a bit more time on them.
8. Wishing you were there
It all looks so FUN. Even the embarrassing celebrity dancing. There aren’t many things certain in life, but we do know that Taylor Swift will be there, and she will be dancing.
Don’t even get us started on the speeches. Your imaginary acceptance speech is so much better than this. Tonight they’ll thank the fans, at the Oscars they’ll thank Harvey Weinstein. They will be blessed.
They’re all
While you’re all
9. Slight awe at the performances
Did you SEE Pink throwing herself around the sky? We mean, really.
10. The tributes will make you emotional
They pick the music to play over the tributes by putting test groups in a room listening to each song. Whichever room produces the most salty tears, wins. Someone is always missing, and there will most certainly be outrage about it on social media.
11. Anti-climactic resignation
Someone gets cut off just as the biggest and concluding award of the night is given out, and the credits role. That’s it, time for the news. It’s way past your bedtime but at least you KNOW now, slightly before everyone else.
