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Dublin: 16 °C Saturday 20 September, 2014

10 reasons sick days are utterly torturous

Home is where the hell is.

WHETHER WE’RE DYING with the flu or just want a day off, we’ve all been tempted to stay in the bed on a wet and dreary midweek morning.

Sure one little sick day couldn’t hurt anyone right? Or so you thought anyway.

The fact is – whether you’re sick or not – those days spent at home just aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.

Here’s why:

1. You still have to get up early to make that dreaded phone call

A lie-in? HAH! You must be joking.

Someone has to tell the boss you’re not coming in and it’ll have to be done at the crack of dawn too.

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The conversation in itself is inherently hellish, especially when you are in fact ill.

Should you make yourself sound worse in case they don’t believe you? How do you even convey that stabbing back pain in words?

2. The Guilt

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Whether you’re pulling the manager’s leg or your own leg is hanging off, you’ll still feel it creeping up on you.

3. If you’ve been telling porkies, you’ll be housebound for the day

Sure what would you do if someone saw you nipping to the shops for milk?

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They have eyes everywhere and you just know it’d be the very day you’d run into the workplace gossip, who’d probably end up tweeting about it, thus blowing your cover.

And sure doesn’t the same almost apply when you’re sick? If you’re well enough to walk to the doctor or chemist they’ll judge you, and judge you HARD.

4. The morning may be wasted in a doctor’s waiting room

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One hour later

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That’s if you can actually get an appointment the same day in the first place. Some GPs are so fully booked you’d want to make a reservation a week in advance.

It’s not like you could have something serious wrong with you sure…

5. Negotiating the terms of a cert is no easy feat

You don’t want to  come right out and ask but you’re silently hoping they’ll just cop on and offer you one anyway.

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“How many days shall I give you?” is a rare and dangerous question, best answered with a meek and mild “I don’t know, a few?”

6. You have to shell out for the doctor AND the antibiotics

7. Daytime TV is your only companion and it gets old fast

Sure, you have fond memories of laughing along with Philip and Holly or getting incredibly excited when Jeremy Kyle set foot on those all-important steps but even the most avid TV watcher reaches a saturation point.

Those who have the kids at home have to suffer through their televisual selections too.

8. You realise those plans you made and forgot about have been totally ruined by your own LIES

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Those birthday drinks you promised you’d go to? That film you won free tickets for?

GONE. SO GONE.

9. The time to call the boss about tomorrow finally rolls around

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How are you going to tell them the doctor has given you the whole week off?

Should you take a second day so they’ll think you’re REALLY ill?

And if you’re feeling better how do you know you won’t actually feel ill again in the morning?

10. And you end up spending a sleepless night thinking about all the work you’ve got to catch up on

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