THE INITIAL LINE-UP for the Electric Picnic was announced this afternoon. Of course, social media was alight with commentators and critics.
But this lot? Insufferable.
1. The speculator
THEY TOLD YOU Outkast would be headlining. They posted an obscure reference to being in Ireland in August on their official fan forum and they’re ON the festival circuit this summer, all the signs were there!
EXHIBIT A: ‘ALL THE SIGNS’
You’re an unreal dope for being surprised.
2. Boasters
They’ve got their email for loyalty tickets and they’re letting you know about it. Sure they’re veterans now, pity the suckers who have to pay full price.
3. Dismissive early-adopters
This lot will immediately dismiss the whole line-up while ranting from their pedestal on a continuous twitter stream about how festivals in Ireland are going to shite.
4. Too hip to handle
Scan the small text to pick out a small, unusual band on the bill to get the most excited about.
Headliners are lamestream.
5. The over-exciteable
By the time they go to bed tonight they’ll have their tickets bought, their holidays booked, and are already smearing mud on themselves. Wudja relax.
Facebook will see a countdown timer begin, along with a few photos from Picnics passed, tagging everyone in it excitedly.
US IN
BRING. IT. ON.
6. Smug jet-setters
Amusedly talk about Irish festivals like they’re an irrelevant blip in the world of live music. They’re going to burning man, and are so glad they got tickets to Glasto instead.
Let us use the Electric Picnic line-up to remind ourselves that they’re playing with the big boys here.
7. Taken over
They claim EP has been taken over by pop, they’ll definitely go but you mainstream sheep wouldn’t understand why.
It’ll never be as good as Arcade Fire in the tent in ’05. You probably weren’t there.
8. Clueless
Then there’s the opposite. These have no idea who most of the acts are bar two headliners and therefore the whole thing is USELESS.
9. People who have already referred to it as Lecky Picky
Enough said.
