LIKE IT OR not, Ireland has a high worry rate, spanning from the worrisome Irish mammy. Has it rubbed off on you?
Of course it has, and these are your crosses to bear.
1. Sudden noises at night are your mortal enemy
You’re going to die, just accept it.
2. You second-guess everything, always
Did you turn off your straightener? Close the windows? Lock the door?
Thoughts of leaving the immersion on have been known to ruin your entire day
3. You can’t be patient
If someone doesn’t reply, they hate you. If your other half is 10 minutes late home from work they’re in trouble.
Is it too soon to call the guards?
4. Sending an email or text message is a constant hell
Is it phrased OK? Is that sign-off too needy? That ‘hello’ looks a bit rude, in hindsight.
5. Organising anything is a nightmare
Dinner for a few friends? Birthday party in the house? Yeah, grand, we’ll just have anxiety and sleepless nights worrying about the availability of helium balloons and if you’ll have enough cocktail sausages to go around.
6. Going to bed is code for ‘pre-sleep worrying’
What better time to compare your progress in life to everyone else from your immediate peer group?
7. The unknown fills you with fear
Missed calls, the arrival of an official-looking letter. WHY.
You’re halfway to the Garda Station to hand yourself in before you realise it’s just from your phone provider.
8. Spontaneity is cooked from a stew of your nightmares
But what of all the things that could go wrong? WHAT OF THEM?
9. But still, you just CAN’T plan in advance
What if something drastic happens in the meantime? Like if all your worries were actually to come true?
Your life is just one constant buffer.
10. Everyone is annoyed by your worrying
Wudja just STOP?
You’re not being helpful, and now we’re worried that you hate us.
