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Dublin: 12 °C Thursday 18 September, 2014

9 phrases you frequently want to shout at people but really shouldn’t

If you did, you’d be terribly unpopular.

FOR MOST PEOPLE, living on Earth means spending your days with a mix of other humans.

Some of them you choose to be with, some you don’t; some of them you like, some you don’t, some of them are pleasant, some are absolute morons.

An unfortunate side-effect of this reality, is a silent rage which comes over most of us on a semi-regular basis.  A silent rage cause by other people’s behaviour.

Here are nine phrases you frequently want to shout at people but really shouldn’t.

Lift your feet!

moonwalk

Obviously this does not apply to moonwalking.

You definitely know at least one of these people.  Instead of lifting their feet and taking steps they seem to slide their feet violently along the ground, resulting in painful noise every time they decide to go anywhere around you.

You probably work with this person, because if it was someone in your house you’d be well within your rights to scream your message in their face.

Cover your mouth!

James Coughing lol!

Source: r.f.m II

Cough, cough, cough…. cough. The coughing itself is irritating, but there’s nothing they can do about it.  However, they can opt not to cough their undoubtedly disease-ridden phlegm into the public sphere.

Don’t chew with your mouth open!

tumblr_mbjnsjI7s91rdtcfio1_500

Generally you meet these people in social situations or indeed at a work event. Really, they shouldn’t be blamed for their behaviour, it is the responsibility of the parent to teach a child not to provide a frame-by-frame view of their food as it’s broken down by teeth and saliva.

Alas, not everyone gets taught these lessons, and as a result you are often forced to sit quietly, all the while screaming internally.

Let me off, you morons!

getting-on-karma-train-o

If you use public transport on a regular basis, you will be familiar with the challenged faced by passengers attempting to get off a bus or train at rush hour.

The doors open to a sea of panicked faces, just desperate to get on, and you are simply an obstacle in their path.  They don’t seem to grasp that in order for them to get on, you need to get off, and the probable truth is that they never will.

Get out of my way!

Stand out from the crowd 5

Source: aldenchadwick

There’s nothing like walking down a busy street only to be blocked every two seconds by people having a leisurely stroll, taking in the sights, or simply stopping for a chat in the middle of the path.

Get out of the bleedin’ way!

You’re welcome!

DSC05022 Greer Holds the Door

Source: adamdachis

Oh no, it’s fine, I love standing here holding the door for all of you people.  No need to thank me.

Get a tissue!

Day 59, Project 365 - 12.18.09

Source: William Brawley

Everyone knows what it’s like to have a runny nose.  It’s a nightmare, there’s no two ways about it.

However, when you’re not the one who’s sniffing, you can’t help but be irritated by the constant sound.

That’s more than 10 items!

Tesco a las 11 de la noche

Source: Rosapolis

Clearly, the express lane is for 10 items or less.

Clearly, you’re not meant to pay for your weekly shop at the self-service checkout.

Clearly, you’re a fool.

Shut up!

shut-up-shut-up

This applies to any number of sins. People having loud phone conversations on the bus, your colleague who won’t stop talking about her forthcoming wedding, or even the baby who won’t stop crying in a restaurant (you especially can’t shout at them).

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