They’ve interrupted important ratings grabbers like Doctor Phil, Home and Away and Mission Beach USA for long enough to be bothered with another 2 weeks of Irish Olympians breaking their personal bests!

This is the first time I can honestly say I’m shocked by the red thumbs. 1 or 2 I’d put down to hitting something on the phone, but I’m genuinely interested as to why 14 people are offended by me quoting a song written by polio sufferer Ian Dury and banned by the BBC about his objection to the patronising “International year of disabled persons” back in 1981. Did you just see the word “spastic” and get offended? You’ll probably have a conniption if you read the entire lyrics!

I dribble when I nibble
And I quibble when I scribble

Hello to you out there in Normal Land
You may not comprehend my tale or understand
As I crawl past your window give me lucky looks
You can be my body but you’ll never read my books

I’m spasticus, I’m spasticus
I’m spasticus autisticus
I’m spasticus, I’m spasticus
I’m spasticus autisticus
I’m spasticus, I’m spasticus
I’m spasticus autisticus

I’m knobbled on the cobbles
Cos I hobble when I wobble
Swim!

So place your hard-earned peanuts in my tin
And thank the Creator you’re not in the state I’m in
So long have I been languished on the shelf
I must give all proceedings to myself

I’m spasticus, I’m spasticus
I’m spasticus autisticus
I’m spasticus, I’m spasticus
I’m spasticus autisticus
I’m spasticus, I’m spasticus
I’m spasticus autisticus

54 appliances in leather and elastic
100 000 thank yous from 27 spastics

Spasticus, spasticus
Spasticus autisticus
Spasticus, spasticus
Spasticus autisticus
Spasticus, spasticus
Spasticus autisticus

Widdling, griddling, skittling, diddling,
fiddling, diddling, widdling, diddling spasticus