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Dublin: 10 °C Thursday 21 August, 2014

Here are the worst things about going to a music festival

Didn’t get a ticket for Electric Picnic? You’re better off.

ELECTRIC PICNIC IS now entirely sold out, which means that there are lots of disappointed people across Ireland, wishing they’d gotten tickets on time.

However, all is not lost.  The truth is that while festivals can give you memories to last a lifetime, they also have their downsides.

Some pretty horrible downsides.

Here are the worst things about going to a music festival.

Getting there

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Getting there is never simple, whether you’re on a bus or in a car.

You have the traffic to contend with, and if you’re a passenger who has decided to start the party early with a few drinks, the lack of toilet can become a problem.

Finding somewhere to camp

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By the time you actually find somewhere you’re like this, except you’re flopping onto hard ground, instead of soft couch.

You’re carrying all of your belongings and your refreshments for the weekend, and traipsing through field after field trying to find somewhere to camp.

It’s a nightmare.  Your hands are sore, your arms are sore and you start to feel like you should never have come at all.

Sleeping

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Photocall Ireland

Unless you have an air mattress, sleeping on the ground is not so comfortable.

And that’s without the noise of the lads in the tent beside you who have their speakers playing music inches away from your head as they reminisce on ‘hilaaaarious’ times they’ve spent together.

Other people


YouTube/bigmateusos

There are loads of sound people at music festivals.

There are also loads of eejits.  You don’t need those eejits in your life.

Trying to find your friends

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Niall Carson/PA Archive/Press Association Images

There are only so many of these phone calls you can have with people:

Where are you?  I’m beside the tree…no, the big tree…the one beside the blue tent.  No, not the blue and yellow tent the blue one with the red flag…by the falafel stand…you’re at the falafel stand? What?  No not that falafel stand…

Rain

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Julien Behal/PA Archive/Press Association Images

A little bit of rain at a festival is almost inevitable, and most of the time you just get on with it and accept that your hair is going to be ruined.

Sometimes, though, it really rains.  Biblically.  And then it is rubbish.

You’re stuck in whatever tent you were closest to when the heavens opened, and you can’t sit down for the rest of the day because the ground is wet.

Mud

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It’s all fun and games now, but how will they feel when they wake up caked and dried tomorrow? Niall Carson/PA Archive/Press Association Images

With the rain comes the mud, and again, a little bit of mud is not so bad.

When the mud is so sloppy that you are living in constant fear of slipping and falling over though, things are not so fun.

After the slippy comes the sticky, and many a soldier has fallen face first into the ground due to a welly getting stuck in the muck.

Toilets

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This girl just wanted a puke when she fell face first into the portaloo. Seriously. Be the rave

There’s not much that needs to be said here, other than acknowledging that when thousands of people use non flushing toilets for several days, things become unpleasant.

Every year there are horror stories about people fishing their belongings out of the long drop (if you don’t believe it, I can personally vouch for the fact that it happens, and did happen to me in 2009).  You don’t need to live with that fear, do you?

Fear

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Speaking of fear, there is nothing like the fear you experience after a festival.

Aside from the initial separation anxiety you feel once you’ve left the gang you’ve been hanging around with for a whole weekend, you’ve got the reality of facing a week in work after a weekend of exuberant recreational activity and almost no sleep.

No one wants that.

Your bank balance

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If this was how ATMs worked, we’d be minted. Tau Zero

Pints, funny hats and pies don’t pay for themselves.  A weekend at a music festival will put a serious dent in your bank balance.

In short.  Yes, there is a lot of fun to be had at music festivals, but the reality is that there are some pretty serious downsides too.

If you’re not going to Electric Picnic this year, take heart in how comfortable and rested you will be over the weekend and next week, when your festival attending friends and colleagues feel like dirt.

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