WELL, LAST NIGHT’S episode of Love/Hate took a lot out of us.
Arrests, fights and broken teeth, and that was just Fran.
Let’s take a look back at the whole tense hour, starting with…
1. Whopper bags of brown
So we know this series will see a gang of undercover Gardaí attempting to bring down King Nidge and his minions.
Let’s see this crew in action so:
He does a good “lurching around in a tracksuit”, but he’s actually a Garda.
He even throws in a racist slur for good measure while he’s buying from a dealer who has “whopper bags of brown” for sale.
Lovely. So authentic.
The drugs come out of the dealer’s jocks…
And before we know it, he’s been pinched and Garda McTracksuit goes on his merry way.
Who picks him up? It’s only Detective Moynihan, the man determined to bring Nidge to his knees.
He’s putting McTracksuit on a new operation, “taking someone down”.
WATCH OUT NIDDLER!
2. “You’ve the head on that all chewed”
Moynihan is just like the rest of us. He chews his pens.
He got the gob around it good and proper too:
3. Torn between two lovers
Nidge knows he’s being watched, so he’s hiding out with Janet in the brothel.
(Thought: Do they ever change the sheets in that place?)
His missus Trish is on the phone, giving him grief about preparing their son Warren for his First Holy Communion.
The big question of course is whether Nidge’s ma should get Warren rosary beads or a holy medal.
SPLASH OUT AND GET BOTH GRANNY! GO MAD!
4. Club or Fanta?
Tommy’s still locked up after last week’s tiger kidnapping and Moynihan is trying to get him to talk.
But he’s only got one thing on his mind…
5. There’s Martin, Nidge’s Garda friend
He’s keeping an eye on what’s going on with Tommy, so he can report back
We can’t help but notice he’s not bringing Tommy any fizzy orange though.
LOOK LIVELY MARTIN!
6. Martin goes to see Nidge…
…who promptly delivers our new favourite term of abuse:
We also learned what it’s called when a garda makes a balls of things when he’s working undercover:
Learning so much here guys. So much.
6. Nothing to declare
Debbie’s back! Hi Debbie!
Tommy’s old flame from the brothel is fresh off the ferry looking like butter wouldn’t melt.
Obviously she’s carrying drugs. Obviously.
7. Remember Andrew the denist from last week?
Yeah well so do Nidge and Fran, and they’ve got their eyeballs all over him.
He’s up to his eyes in debt and the lads see him as an opportunity to import some illegal substances.
Oh, and he puked on the carpet AND one of the girls in the brothel, so he has to pay for that too.
8. What’s he up to here?
She doesn’t you know. She doesn’t need the crowns. He just needs the money.
9. Tommy gives Fran up
Remember last week, when Tommy was so worried about one of the kids involved in the tiger kidnapping that he went to her house (and got arrested)?
Well the coppers are using this to get information out of him, and he accidentally* drops Fran right in it.
*Anyone else wondering just how accidental this all is though? Is Tommy in the middle of an elaborate plan to get Nidge and the lads back? How does that explain the blood coming out of his ears though?
10. Elmo’s right arm
Elmo and Aido get collared by the Gardaí at the flats, and Elmo is carrying an “ounce of gear”.
Before he gets arrested he displays some impressive strength in his right arm, flinging the drugs onto a balcony.
What’s all that strength from Elmo, eh? Eh?
11. They got Fran too
12. Moynihan’s been working hard gathering his crack undercover squad
We’ve got our old pal McTracksuit, Terry (the lad who was previously “f**ked back to uniform’) and a young new hotshot Gav.
13. Nidge goes in
They’ve rounded them all up for quizzing at this stage, using information from Tommy to to to break them.
14. Break Fran? You must be joking
15. Oh Jaysus
McTracksuit, Gav and Tezzer are careening around on some important police business, when Tezzer notices a fundamental flaw in the car…
16. Psyching Elmo out
The undercover lads tell Elmo he’s free to leave the station and he resists, knowing he’ll be seen as an informer if he walks free.
He demands his charge sheet, but it never comes.
It’s not looking good for Elmo, is it?
17. Meanwhile, Martin gets arrested
18. There’s Dano and Tony, shooting the breeze
Now, allow us to blow your mind:
Dano from Love/Hate is Leo’s best mate in Titanic, aka actor Jason Barry!
We have so many questions. Is he still friends with Leo? Does Leo ever ask after us?
19. Nidge’s ma
Nidge wasn’t born bald and menacing you know (actually, on second thoughts, he probably was).
He has a ma, and she’s had a stroke.
As Trish drives him to the hospital, they’re being followed, but not by McTracksuit and co…
It’s only Lizzie and the most wanted man in Ireland! They have guns and they’re planning to kill Nidge.
20. Smokers outside the hospital doors
21. Meanwhile, Fran has company in a pub toilet
Fran wins out in the horribly violent row, but one of his teeth comes a cropper:
Thanks to Ger Kennedy on Facebook who suggested that Fran invest in one of these:
Is Fran’s tooth this week’s cat? Only a guest appearance for the tooth on the Late Late Show will tell.
Oh and if you’re wondering who jumped Fran, it was Noely Hughes. Fran was “bangin’ his missus”. Right.
22. Nidge goes to Janet’s house for cover
That’s after he spots Lizzie in the hospital car park and gets the heebie jeebies.
Janet’s son is in the house. He’s called Aaron (sounds like Darren). And he’s wearing a blue hoodie….
23. Fran pays a visit to the dentist
Not to get his tooth fixed, but to tell Andrew that he has to import a heap of lidocaine as a mixing agent.
24. Nidge quizzes Elmo about the contacts in his phone
He’s supicious, after Elmo’s sudden release from custody.
25. Wet t-shirt communions
Tommy appears in court, and is remanded in custody. Nidge goes in to meet his solicitor (the one he shares with Tommy) and meets Siobhán, inviting her to Warren’s communion.
What they’re having for the communion is a bouncy castle. What Nidge really wants though…
What a beautiful way to celebrate the blessed sacrament. Lovely. Let us pray.
26. TWO GRAND?! TWO?! GRAND?!
Nidge brings Warren to get his hair cut for his communion, but not before Warren drops the bombshell that some kids get two grand for their special day.
We’re still reeling to be honest. This doesn’t really happen, does it? Hold us.
Anway, Nidge lets Warren get stripes shaved in his hair. Trish is going to go SPARE!
Here, has anyone told Nidge about the One Direction concert?
27. Meanwhile, back at Elmo’s gaff…
Three guesses who’s responsible?
It was McTracksuit, Gav and Terry. The crafty beggars!
28. Noely’s revenge
Noely (remember him?) catches up with Fran (who was bangin’ Noely’s missus) on his way to meet the dentist, and tries to shoot him, but shoots his mate instead.
The whole lot of them get arrested, and the dentist waits and waits.
Lads, this is a shambles.
Bring on next week!
Last week’s Love/Hate: Dead cats, Nidge’s arse, and fizzy orange>