JUST ONE EPISODE left until the Season 4 finale, everyone. And last night’s hour was – how shall we put this? – action-packed.
Here’s what we got:
1. Here is Nidge’s orgasm face
Yes, Nidge kicks the episode off in an energetic tryst with brothel manager Janet. It can’t be that great though, as he spends the whole time having a nasty flashback about the time his pipe bomb killed Fran’s missus*. (Who Nidge was enjoying a dalliance with.)
Meanwhile, we get a good look at Nidge’s big veiny… head.
Seriously. Look at the veins on it.
*Edit: it wasn’t the pipe bomb explosion that killed her, but she took her own life afterwards. Thanks to everyone who pointed this out!
2. And some of his pillow talk
He’s such an old romantic.
3. Fran doesn’t want to look like a rapper
He kills time while hanging around their Secret Lidocaine Warehouse by asking Andrew about ‘those gold teeth I asked for’, in his most terrifying voice.
He’s joking, natch. Just as Andrew is about to require a new pair of trousers, Fran explains:
D’ye think I want to look like a bleedin, f***in… a bleedin rapper?
Sadly, it’s all for nothing as Andrew has meanwhile blabbed details about the Lidocaine plan to the watching cops.
4. Debbie is having a bad time
She’s back on the game, back on the heroin, and not enjoying it very much. Here she is washing up after a customer. Grim.
5. We meet Aido and Nadine, cooking up a storm in the kitchen
Wizards with the scales, so they are.
6. MORE dogfighting
The animal body count – always a controversial one with TV audiences – is growing. The cat, the other dogs, the mysterious dead horse. Stuart Carolan must be heating his house with the hatemail at this stage.
Just to be clear: these are animal actors. Actors.
7. We meet an old friend
Yep, it’s Patrick the pipe bomb maker. The guy who sold Nidge the pipe bomb that killed Fran’s missus (are we all keeping up?), who Nidge now has a sudden murderous grudge against despite having apparently not thought about it for years.
8. Bitta girl talk?
Debbie’s pal from the brothel remembers the time she did the nasty with Nidge. “What was it like?” asks Debbie, apparently fascinated. Her friend replies…
Nothing. Couldn’t feel him inside me.
ZOMG! Burn. Burns unit for Nigel Delaney.
9. KEITH DUFFY FROM BOYZONE APPEARS!
And he’s totally built. Look at the size of his arms! They’re like boyband-shaped tree trunks.
He works in a gym and buys drugs from Aido, who drops by to try out the giant dumbbells…
… then decides not to bother.
PS we’re hoping Keith gets a bigger role in future. Here’s a sneak peek at the cover of Season 5…
10. Andrew isn’t much of a criminal mastermind
He maintains a veneer of innocence until they drop lines on him like…
What are you doing? Pulling out the teeth of elephants?
…and suggest that he could become a cause celebre called…
The Dun Laoghaire One.
Basically they mortify him into agreeing to rat out Nidge and the lads. Good work Garda.
11. Wayne may be terrifying, but he still drinks like a 15-year-old
Here he is with his mate, doing shots (probably of Sambuca) while Elmo and the lads are all drinking pints.
He probably asked them if they wanted to play Never Have I Ever a bit later too.
12. RIP Debbie
It all goes horribly wrong for Debbie and her pal, when a bad batch of heroin (we assume) sends them to the great TV show in the sky. A sad end for Johnboy’s old lady.
Was this an accident? We know Nidge has been waiting to get rid of her for a while.
13. The gardaí get another helper
Siobhán is frantic about Tommy, who hasn’t improved much since dropping his trousers at those girls on Grand Canal Dock. She agrees to work for the gardaí. Especially after they tell her that it was Nidge who put Tommy in a coma with a golf club.
14. Aido signs Nadine up to be a drug mule
Well, she signs herself up. But he sends her off at the airport with the immortal line:
D’ya want to take the auld dildo?
She doesn’t. Frankly we’ve seen enough hints at this stage about ‘getting careless’ to know that things aren’t looking good for Nadine. If she doesn’t get arrested next week, I’ll eat my trackie bottoms.
15. Wayne, in the alley, with the lead piping
Nidge takes Wayne off to do Patrick the pipe bomber, who he’s become completely obsessed with killing.
However, they screw it up. Nidge takes a shot at Patrick’s retreating back, misses, and stops Wayne going after him armed only with a penknife. (Wayne’s comment afterwards: “You’d need a hunting rifle for that f***in monster.”)
Wayne is the most terrifying teenager Ireland has ever seen. Including Jedward.
16. Nidge goes back to bed after a long day
Nidgey ends the episode as he started it: between the sheets with a scantily-clad lady. Only it’s Trish (remember? His wife?) this time. “Go to bed and I’ll mind you,” she says.
What with one thing and another, he’s had quite the day.
And that’s it. Next week is the finale of an (all too short) Season Four – follow our dedicated TV Twitter account @dailyedgeTV for live updates and all the craic on the night!