Look at those innocent faces. Who could lie to them? Their parents, that’s who. Image via Shutterstock.
IF THERE’S ONE thing we can all be sure about, it’s that our parents are liars. Yes, that’s right, liars, all of them.
Whether it was about the wind making our faces stay permanently funny or potatoes growing in our ears if we didn’t clean them (seriously, who started that one? It’s just ridiculous. And scary…), they were all at it.
However, having done a whip around to find out some of the mistruths we were fed as youngsters, we’ve actually got a newfound sympathy for the parents. They must have been really desperate to come up some of this stuff.
On the ice cream man:
A source of much parental conspiracy and deception. Flickr/spratmackrel
The ice cream man is really a child catcher, like the one in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
When the ice cream man’s music plays it means he’s out of ice cream.
Ice-cream men don’t wash their hands after they go to the toilet!
On hair chewing:
Little does she know that if she puts a strand of that hair in her mouth she faces almost certain death. Photo via Shutterstock
If you chew your hair you’ll swallow it and it will wrap around your heart and you’ll die!
Chewing on your hair will make hair start growing on your tongue.
If you chew on your hair your insides will turn to hair and you’ll die.
On food:
The national vegetable of Denmark? Flickr/CreativeCommons/spencer341b
Coke and all coke products are what they use to clean car engines.
There are little maggots living in your stomach and if you don’t feed them (I.e. eat your dinner) they will eat your tummy.”
Eat your crusts, they will put hairs on your chest. (Confusingly said to a little girl.)
That broccoli is the national vegetable of Denmark. That countries have national vegetables (Ireland’s was the potato, Wales had the leek).
On uncomfortable topics:
It does look like it could be a makeup removal product, in fairness. Photo via Shutterstock
Sanitary pads are for taking makeup off.
Condoms are balloons that you blow up and attach to a Christmas tree as a decoration.
The word ‘f#*$’ means love.
On things there is really no need to lie about.
These may look like innocent golden blossoms, but if parents are to be believed they can have a sinister effect. Pic via Shutterstock
If you point your finger at your mother it will stick up out of your grave and everyone will know you that were rude to your mother.
My dad told us that the giant Shell oil containers at Galway dock were filled with baked beans. Except the one on the back right. That one was filled with peas. A lie that was apparently passed on to him by his father. Although that could in fact also be a lie. WHO IS TO KNOW WITH THESE LYING BRIGANDS WE CALL PARENTS?
That picking marigolds makes you wet the bed.
That there is a place called Donegalway.
What rubbish did you parents convince you of when you were a tot?
