LOOKING BACK on your school days as an adult, it’s easy to feel wronged.
Lies. So many lies.
1. Joined-up writing is useful
The hours we spent poring over these copybooks:
And what for? What. For.
2. “Your mammy just had to go and do a message for a few minutes.”
The classic first-day-of-school lie. THERE WERE NO MESSAGES.
3. “You won’t have a calculator with you everywhere.”
WRONG.
Similarly…
4. Learning times tables means you know how to do maths
No, it’s not maths. It’s learning large swathes of numbers by heart.
5. Picking a dandelion will make you wet the bed
Pick all the dandelions you want, kids.
6. It is important to know all of the Irish rivers, in order
We’re still waiting for the day when someone says to us: “It is essential that I know which river flows through Portarlington.”
“It’s the Barrow,” we’ll answer, proudly.
7. You’ll definitely need to write a postcard to your French pen pal someday
“Salut Marie! Me voici dans le Connemara.”
But there was no Marie. There was never any Marie. :(
8. Long division is a handy thing to know
“No, don’t bother guessing. Let me get out my notebook and precisely split this bill using long division!” – said no one ever.
9. “Your school days are the best days of your life.”
Cheers for that depressing insight into the future.
