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: °C Saturday 1 November, 2014

You’ll only understand these terrors if you’ve learned to drive

In which case, you’ll never forget it.

LEARNING TO DRIVE is a deeply, deeply traumatic experience.

But you’ll only understand that after you’ve done it. You’ll recognise these things:

The tyranny of ‘the biting point’

And how it will come to rule your life.

Photo via Shutterstock

The fact that any romantic relationships will end badly

When you have the biggest fight of your life about whether your partner was being impatient when he/she told you to move off.

Stop being impatient. I’M NOT BEING IMPATIENT.

Flickr/Mr.Thomas

Ditto, your relationship with your father

Photo via Shutterstock

The terror of turning right

And fearing that you’re never going to find a gap big enough and will be found mummified in 50 years time, still indicating tragically to turn into Tesco off the Rathmines Road.

Flickr/roland

The overwhelming fear as you are approaching a hill that the lights will go red

Flickr/dlofink

AND YOU’LL ROLL BACK INTO THE TRAFFIC BEHIND YOU

Jaysus, the terror. REV TO A MILLION RPM.

Flickr/VeloBusDriver

The terrible realisation of how annoying you were as a passenger

  • “Turn right here!” (pointing to a one way street)
  • “Sure just park here” (pointing to a loading bay/disabled spot/bus stop/someone’s garden)
  • “Read this text” (shoving phone into driver’s face)

Flickr/Webb Zahn

Being absolutely convinced that you will hit any other object you can see

And there’s nothing you can do about it. Turning will not help.


YouTube/Ben Begas

Feeling totally overwhelmed at having to do what feels like a million things at once

Indicating, changing down gear, turning on your windscreen wipers, watching out for elderly people and being lost all at once AAAAARGGGHHH

Photo via Shutterstock

Having the chats with your instructor, and taking your foot off the clutch without taking the car out of gear

Flickr/Dominic’s pics

And worst of all, everyone suddenly believing their gaff is on the way to your gaff

Photo via Shutterstock

Welcome to a lifetime of giving lifts (at least until your friends have learned too.) Happy driving!

The 11 most annoying drivers on Irish roads>

‘N’ plates for new drivers on the way>

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