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the spire

8 suggestions for what Irish men should name their penises

Takin’ you down to Shlongford Town.

Britain Fashion Man Girdle Associated Press Associated Press

DO YOU HAVE a name for your, er, manhood? A new survey says that seven out of ten men have a name for their bits.

Retailer Jacamo also discovered the most popular names men give to their penises, including:

Troy, Hercules, The Rock, Russell the Muscle, Wilfred, Dave, Jerry, Johnny, Randolph, Wendell, and Napoleon

We at DailyEdge.ie weren’t really sure about how common these names actually are, so we came up with eight great Irish suggestions. Please, enjoy.

1. Risteárd

Risteard Cooper as Dermot Nally in new RTÉ drama Charlie Actor Risteárd Cooper in Charlie RTE RTE

Why? Well, it’s the Irish translation of Richard. Simple, to the point.

2. The Spire

E4324-Spire-of-Dublin Wikimedia Wikimedia

Evocative.

3. Big Tom

mainliners14-ksx Irish Showbands Irish Showbands

Don’t forget your Mainliners, either.

4. The Rock of Cashel

RockOfCashelSummer1986 Wikimedia Wikimedia

Strong. Powerful. Just like your lad.

5. Deputy Stagg

Damien Mulley / YouTube

After Paul Gogarty’s famous outburst in the Dáil. Why not?

6. Schlongford

longford HelpMyHouse HelpMyHouse

Pay homage to your penis AND your home county in one fell swoop.

7. Dickie Rock

Dickie Rock

Gives a whole new meaning to “Spit on me Dickie!”, doesn’t it.

8. The Giant’s Causeway

Giant's Causeway visitors' centre opening PA WIRE PA WIRE

You know it, baby.

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