1. “No, I’m grand” = DANGER
It’s the Irish equivalent of “no, it’s fine”.
“Grand” means anything but, and don’t you forget it.
2. You’re blind drunk on your first 7 “dates”…
… and surrounded by 15 of your closest friends.
Then, when you finally decided to do something different:
3. Tea wars
See also: Heinz v Batchelors, King v Tayto, Chef v HP…
4. “I don’t trust someone who doesn’t drink”
Introduce a new love interest who doesn’t drink to your circle of friends and they’ll nearly give themselves whiplash:
5. Bringing them “down home” for the weekend
Mention that you’re bringing your new girl or fella “home” for the weekend the The Mammy will have the couch made up quicker than you can say “did you get that from the hot press?”.
6. Critical mass
While “down home” the question of “which mass you’re going to” will be asked.
7. The pains of being a “blow-in”
As soon as your significant other’s parents realise you’re not from around these parts, you’ll be labelled a blow-in and eyed with suspicion for at least six months.
8. Ireland is SO small
It’s not possible to have a mysterious romance with a fellow Irish person.
You were probably childhood friends with their cousin/went to the same church/grew up across the road from each other/know all about their quare uncle Tommy.
You were definitely both in the nip on Curracloe beach together when you were five, and your mothers almost certainly went to school together.
9. Ah, the lovely Sinéad
According to one TheJournal.ie staffer:
A friend of mine went out with three Sineads, another is on his second Aoife.
10. Friends with benefits
At least one of your friends will hook up with one of their friends.
There are two outcomes to this:
a) They break up and the following six months are a careful game of cat and mouse ensuring they’re not in the same room together.
b) You break up and they get married. Your ex shows up at the wedding with his/her new girlfriend/boyfriend.
Any of this sound familiar? Share your Irish relationship problems with us…
