TECHNOLOGY IS A booming sector, and people just love to talk about the latest app, gadget, billion dollar micro-payment company… yeah.
But sometimes, just sometimes, it can feel like the latest sleep monitoring app is being described as the new Messiah.
Here are ten words that just need to not exist in the context of tech, ranked from least to worst in feelings of hateful resentment.
Let’s start with the basics. Originally, startup was used to describe a newish tech venture searching for a business model, now it’s basically any company that’s ‘starting up’. We here on earth say ‘company’.
So this is just everything on the internet. It would be helpful to be more specific instead of repeating content while everything around you slowly burns. Anyone caught pandering to the phrase ‘content is king’ is immediately dismissed from creating any. That doesn’t count.
A fancy word for improving, makes founders seem like they’re not just being excessively picky. Basically, it wasn’t good enough the first time so we’re changing it… again.
It means breaking things down into simple steps with simple rewards at the completion of each step. So basically, this app thinks you’ve got the willpower of a hyperactive child.
6. Growth hacking
Unforgivable. Sounds like some kind of pill distributed to young people to make them grow faster, when in fact, this just means ‘selling’. In fact, the use of hacking in general needs to be seriously regulated. Posting a status to someone who left their Facebook signed in aint hacking.
When every new tech innovation is tipped to ‘disrupt the area’, how is the area not just one massive disruption? Basically this company isn’t the exact same as every other company in the industry.
4. Coding ninjas
No. Stop using these in job descriptions.
The tech industry is not this gas. No industry is.
Here’s our expectation of a coding ‘ninja’:
But here’s an actual programmer:
A social media rockstar?
Actual social media manager:
3. The cloud
What even IS the cloud? Everyone with a phone or laptop constantly refers to it but basically no one knows what it is.
It’s the little cloud icon with my stuff in it, grand.
So this new website’s business plan is to monetise this thing, to make money out of it. That’ll be a business then.
1. Data mining
Immediately spawns images of sweat-shop style conditions, workers hacking away at mines full of data. Precious data.
Let’s just agree to say ‘collecting’ and let us all get on with our days.