FACEBOOK FOUNDER MARK Zuckerberg turns 30 today.
Here’s what’s ahead of him, the pup:
1. You care less and less about birthdays
2. In fact, you start to forget what age you are
3. You start planning your hangovers
4. You pay attention to the labels on clothes
No more of this:
5. It’s okay to stay in on a Friday night
6. And on a Saturday night
You can watch all the stuff you ‘taped’ on your UPC/SKY box during the week, you clever divil.
7. An alarming number of conversations about running start taking place
8. You reel with shock when you realise that Sabrina the Teenage Witch is now 38
9. And that Babylon Zoo’s Spaceman is 19 years old
Intergalactic CHRIST!
10. And that Olivia from the Cosby Show is 28
11. There are people you work with who weren’t born when Italia ’90 took place
12. And they’ve never heard of Blackboard Jungle
13. Getting ID-ed might just be the highlight of your week
14. It’s no longer cute when a child calls you a “that lady” in the supermarket
15. The line between ‘pyjamas’ and ‘it’s okay to go to Tesco in these, right?’ becomes increasingly blurred
16. The shops are now selling all the clothes you wore as a teenager, but this time they’re ‘retro’
17. You find yourself thinking “is that a boy or a girl”?
18. You’re genuinely shocked at young people and their get ups
Hands up if you’ve thought this:
Maybe if she was wearing a coat I wouldn’t be able to see her arse cheeks.
19. Facebook = baby pictures and inspirational quotes
20. You start to accumulate unexplained injuries
“Bad knee”, “dicky back”, “sure I’ve got my ankle” – you can mention any of these without being asked what dreadful calamity befell you.
21. And worry a LOT about your feet
22. Mortgage talk. Mortgage talk everywhere
23. You have to make an effort/timetable to see your friends
24. You choose to go somewhere based on the seating/decibels of music
You wants loads of the first thing, and a tiny amount of the second.
25. Online dating is a totally acceptable way to meet someone
26. You have friends or acquaintances who are not only married, but have failed marriages
27. You become less and less gracious about invitations to weddings/baby showers/hen parties/stag parties
28. You still end up going to 7 weddings a year
29. Going to bed is the best part of your day
30. Your mother was right
About everything.
