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Dublin: 3 °C Wednesday 26 November, 2014

22 brilliantly sarcastic reviews of Amazon products

From the Three Wolf Moon t-shirt to the Yodelling Pickle.

REVIEWING AMAZON products isn’t a hobby. It’s a calling.

These people answered the call.

The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee

Unfortunately I already had this exact picture tattooed on my chest, but this shirt is very useful in colder weather.

- overlook1977

I had a two-wolf shirt for a while and I didn’t think life could get any better. I was wrong. Life got 50% better, no lie.

- Seth G. Macy

Automobile Steering Wheel Attachable Work Surface

You wouldn’t believe how much more interesting my commute is now that I have something to do other than just stare out the window! I’m using it right now to post this review and I never

- Michael McCollough

This is so COOL!!!

I balance a ball on mine and try to keep it from rolling off the edge while driving by tilting the wheel back and forth and using the gas and brake. I must do this well as everyone around me honks with encouragement.

- Balancer

Accoutrements Horse Head Mask

It’s not big enough to completely cover a horse’s head, and it doesn’t provide enough air flow for them, either.

- Selig7

It is day 87 and the horses have accepted me as one of their own. I have grown to understand and respect their gentle ways.

- ByronicHero

Playmobil Security Check Point

We placed a deadly fingernail file underneath the passenger’s scarf, and neither the detector doorway nor the security wand picked it up. My son said “that’s the worst security ever!”. But it turned out to be okay, because when the passenger got on the Playmobil B757 and tried to hijack it, she was mobbed by a couple of other heroic passengers, who only sustained minor injuries in the scuffle.

- loosenut

Boy were they disappointed when they tried to get the “passenger” through the detector but he was pulled aside because he is on the “No-Fly List”. I don’t see the point of a toy you are not even allowed to play with.

- Over the River

How To Avoid Huge Ships

I read this book before going on vacation and I couldn’t find my cruise liner in the port. Vacation ruined.

- Dan

It was only after it arrived that I looked closely at the title and realised it said ‘How to Avoid Huge SHIPS’. A simple error that means I am still treading on massive examples of canine excrement.

- Graham Thomas

Accoutrements Yodelling Pickle

My twelve year-old niece asked for the Justin Bieber CD for Christmas, so I bought her this yodeling pickle. Nobody so far can tell the difference.

- Sadie

Bic Cristal For Her Ball Pen

The best thing about this pen? It looks so stylish tucked behind my ear while I’m perched on the corner of my boss’ desk flirting with him.

- vel0811

i live with my parents and when my dad found me using these pens he threw all of my things in the trash and now he’s taking me on a hunting trip?

- john mcgowan

Tuscan Whole Milk

Has anyone else tried pouring this stuff over dry cereal? A-W-E-S-O-M-E!

- J. Fitzsimmons

Do you have any idea where this stuff comes from? It’s excreted by squeezing the wobbly thingie on the UNDERSIDE OF A COW! That’s hardly made clear anywhere on the label.

- Molaw

A Million Random Digits with 100,000 Normal Deviates (Paperback)

A great read. Captivating. I couldn’t put it down. I would have given it five stars, but sadly there were too many distracting typos. For example: 46453 13987.

- Fuat C Baran

If you like this book, I highly recommend that you read it in the original binary.

- Roy

UFO-02 Detector

I don’t know if this is a scam or if mine was broken, but it doesn’t work and I am still getting abducted by UFO’s on a regular basis.

- Cyphis

We here. This thing not find us. It not work. We watch you from afar. You think, why we post on here? We post because we want become friend. We not like movie. We not want blow up congress. We not want steal water. We not want eat you. Most time not want put thing in butt. When human ready, we show you us. For now, we wait.

- MaryEllen Sager

Looking For – Best of David Hasselhoff

The doctor said my dog Cherish had only days to live. Desperate for any sign of recovery, I played this CD in the garage for him 24/7, and not only did my dog die, but so did 2 cats and all of my plants. My neighbor came down with a rare form of stomach virus, the one causes massive cramping and explosive diarrhea. Boy did I prove that doctor wrong!

- Segway Vagynna

God Himself could not record as good a greatest hits album like this, and if He were to listen to all 17 tracks on this compilation, He would refrain from striking me down for blasphemy. The song “Hot Shot City” is particularly good.

- A Customer

The 2009-2014 Outlook for Wood Toilet Seats in Greater China

This is, without a doubt, still a better story than twilight.

- Lance Kates

Inspired by Amazon’s own list of its funniest reviews – read that here.

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