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10 defining characteristics of an Irish audience

Whether you’re at a gig, show, panto, you’re bound to spot a few of these.

AH WE LOVE an aul concert or ‘show’ here in Ireland. Pantos are pretty much booked up a year in advance and we’re so delighted when a big musical comes to the Grand Canal tickets become gold-dust.

There’s just something about sitting in those stalls, taking it all in.

Here are ten things you will definitely spot amongst the crowd at any live event around Ireland. Definitely.

1. ALL the gadgets

Someone will be watching the whole show through their phone to later post to YouTube so that no one will watch them.

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Hours and hours of snapping, just to end up with this:

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Phone obsessives can also be seen to check in on Facebook while live-tweeting proceedings so everyone reading it can be sure that they’re having a bad time.

Kids at pantos, on the other hand, simply covet flash wands. Bonus points if it makes an earth-shattering noise.

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2. Gentle shushing will echo the room

It’s the ballet and you’ve just opened your wine gums, relax, old lady in front tutting.

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3. A chorus of Olé Olé Olé is always heard

Usually at a pop concert, just as the performer starts to give the rehearsed spiel about how much Ireland is the best country in the world to perform to. Either that or booing that comes after mistaking us as part of Britain.

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4. All drinkers will have at least two pints with them at all times

Queueing? Leaving our seat? Nobody has time for that.

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Four pre-poured Heineken please, in a McDonald’s car tray. Thanks.

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5. Aisle movement will be at an all time high

The latecomers always have the seats in the middle of a huge row. ‘Sorry’ will be said by both parties at least 50 times as they make their way across with trays of beer and swingy coats. You’ll apologise at least once for getting hit in the face with someone’s draw string.

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6. Old Irish slane tshirts

Spot the guy in the vintage band tshirt, probably from Slane, if the band you’re seeing ever played there. Then there’s the one who bought a tshirt at the merch stand and put it on over their jumper, never to be worn again.

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7. Someone will think they deserve to be on stage

Whether singing their heart out or heckling the act. Usually spotted at a comedy gig, the heckler will be constantly shouting during any opportune moment of silence. They think they’re bleedin’ gas and should be on stage themselves. They shouldn’t.

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8. A morph suit or other animal costume will gain attention

The morph-suit-lad’s natural habitat is the outdoor music festival. He’ll always be spotted marching around like he owns the place, as everyone asks to get their photo taken with the absolute certified ledgebag.

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9. Home-made snacks will be rife

The over-prepared mammy will have all the snacks you could ever want, either made at home or at least bought outside of that disgraceful venue mark-up. DISGRACEFUL.

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10. Loads will leave early

Encore? Gone. They want to beat the exiting crowds, but now they are the exiting crowds.

LAST SONG? GET THE COATS.

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