LAST NIGHT BROUGHT us the season finale of Deception, TV3′s first ever homegrown drama series and (so far) an endless parade of unlikely wonders.
So far we’ve had at least one murder, two people faking their own deaths, and one false rape allegation that became a wedding. How on earth would they ramp up the dramatic insanity in the finale?
Short of some kind of nuclear warfare, that was pretty much unimaginable. But here’s what went down:
1. Remember the days?
We begin with a flashback to EPISODE ONE, in which we’re reminded that Andrew is in the hole for a whole heap of money.
Remember episode one, before everyone had faked their deaths and all that? Seems sort of like a childish time of innocence now, doesn’t it?
Anyway, it turns out Jack owes the money to a guy who is effectively hiding in the attic of the empty house:
Making him the second person in six hours to hide out in an attic. Doesn’t anyone have a cellar around here? They must have the worst games of hide-and-seek ever.
Meanwhile here’s Andrew’s missus Aoife, hanging out a petticoat on the line. Yes, a PETTICOAT.
We never learn what the significance of this is. But when was the last time you saw someone wearing a petticoat? Are they coming back into fashion, or what?
Next up: those giant wicker contraptions you stuff up the back of your dress.
3. Party time!
Meanwhile, sleazy Owen is having a party at his gaff to celebrate his girlfriend going to London. You’d expect him to throw a great party, right?
Well, you know it’s a great party because people have got..
(B) Cocktail umbrellas:
WOOOOOOO. We can’t see anyone wearing a petticoat, but maybe that’s just because the camera isn’t at floor level.
4. Heeeere’s Johnny!
Andrew goes to visit his mysteries attic-hiding phone companion. To nobody’s surprise, it’s Johnny Lawlor, the murdered corpse who turned up in the empty house. (This is a flashback, remember?)
Johnny does his ‘alive face’
Anyway, it turns out Andrew ISN’T REALLY CALLED ANDREW. He’s called NICKY. And he’s actually a criminal associate of Johnny’s from the botched raid that sent Johnny to prison.
Johnny’s come back to get his money, natch. It’s just a coincidence that he also happens to be the long-lost dad of Emma from four doors down. Small world eh?
Here we get the first of Andrew’s Amazing Excuses. “You’ve been avoiding me,” Johnny says.
See? Totally convincing.
Then Andrew/Nicky kills Johnny, because he was obviously from the Leigh Arnold school of EXTREME FACE ACTING, and there’s only room in the world for one of those.
Back in the future/present, Johnny’s brother Matthew (who as you may recall is trying to find out who offed his sibling) is going through a few old family photos.
Hang on a minute – who’s this lad?
This gives Andrew (who walks into the room just then) another chance to finesse one of his Amazing Excuses.
When Matthew asks why he didn’t come to Johnny’s funeral:
6. The best dialogue in the world, ever
On Andrew’s trail, Matthew goes to visit Aoife in her petticoat boutique. He asks how she met Andrew.
The ‘For Sale’ sign that’s been practically a character throughout the series has changed…
It’s sold! Somebody sold a house in Bentonwood!
We must be at the end of the series.
8. Andrew’s Amazing Excuses #3
Matthew confronts Andrew with the photo of himself and Johnny back in the day.
How will Andrew get out of this one?
9. Matthew is really creepy
Rather than just coming out and confronting Andrew, Matthew wages a strangely childish War of Subterfuge.
First he writes ‘NICKY WOZ ERE’ on Andrew’s van:
Then he breaks into Andrew’s house, smashes everything up, and leaves a weird outfit with rosary beads on the bed:
Is this intimidation, or does he just want Andrew to dress as a member of the Legion of Mary?
Or was it in fact a member of the Legion of Mary who broke in, then fled while wondering what to wear?
Only time will tell.
10. All The Faces Aoife Makes
Aoife, who is now WEARING the petticoat she was hanging up earlier…
… is clearing up after the creepy Legion-of-Mary break-in when she finds an old Mass card (see? the Legion’s fingerprints are all OVER this) from Johnny Lawlor’s funeral.
Suddenly, she realises that her whole life has been a lie.
Here is her face that represents “My Husband Has Been Faking His Identity For Years And Was Best Friends With The Guy Found Bludgeoned To Death Next Door”:
11. Andrew’s Amazing Excuses #4
He comes back. Here’s how he apologises for having faked his identity for years, and concealed his criminal past.*
Everything’s fine now, right?
*OK, he doesn’t know that Aoife knows. But STILL, not a great apology.
12. The Final Showdown
Matthew escorts Andrew at gunpoint to a conveniently deserted country cottage, where the proceeds of the robbery are apparently hidden.
In the symbolic world of Deception, could you say that if
(a) the half-built, corpse-strewn, pensioner-in-the-attic-concealing ghost estate represents Ireland’s present
(b) this abandoned cottage filled with the proceeds of crime represents its past?
I’m going to say Yes.
Anyway, the pair of them dig out a box. A box!
But when it’s opened, there’s NO MONEY THERE. Andrew’s only gone and spent the €1.2million he apparently got from the robbery on his family-life-of-lies.
Matthew, naturally enough, isn’t happy. He gets out his gun and they have a showdown. But Andrew wins:
We hear two shots ring out.
The next shot, with no context given whatsoever, is this:
Several seconds of their pet bunny.
We have literally no idea.
Is the bunny somehow involved? Has the bunny been the mastermind all along? IS THAT YOU, KEYSER SOZE?
As Andrew is digging a grave for poor Matthew, a phone starts ringing. It’s ringing (literally) from the grave.
He digs it out and answers it because you know, it might be his mam or something.
But it’s not. It’s another accomplice of Matthew’s, asking him ‘Did you get the cash?’
This is cut with a mysterious shot of Jack French knocking on Andrew’s door:
Does this mean Jack is involved? Is that Jack on the phone? To be honest, we’re not completely sure.
But either way, it means THIS ISN’T OVER.
Andrew collapses on the ground, and utters the last line of the series:
And you know what? We couldn’t have put it better ourselves.
Deception episode 5: Orange juice, blackmail and LOTS of bare arse>
Deception episode 4: Hatstands, baked beans and the worst sex ever>
Deception episode 3: Bullying, stabbing and amazing angry faces>