SO DAVID BECKHAM has announced that he’s heading to France to play for Paris Saint-Germain.
That’s quite the leap from LA to the home of the Eiffel Tower, cheese and Carla Bruni’s questionable music.
Here’s a few things he should prepare in advance:
1. Brush up on his ‘ooh-la-las’ and ‘merci beaucoups’
Beckham has said in today’s press conference that he hasn’t done any French since he was in school.
One of these might come in handy so:
Image: House of Oojah
2. Make friends with Jonny Sexton, who is also moving to France
We’ve already given Jonny – who’s off to Racing Metro – some tips, so Becks should definitely give him a call.
“Yo Becks, let’s get together for some croissants” (Tony Marshall/EMPICS Sport)
3. Learn how to order fish and chips
Beckham said in an interview once that fish and chips is one of his favourite meals. How will he order it in Paris?
Je voudrais poisson et frites.
It’s basic, but it should get him fed.
4. Learn how to shout “REF!” in French
Beckham back in 2005, no doubt shouting “REF!” (PAUL WHITE/AP/Press Association Images)
5. Practice air kissing
The French are mad about it.
He needs to improve his technique (PAUL WHITE/AP/Press Association Images)
6. Watch the episode of Sex and the City where Carrie moves to Paris
He will learn the following things, just like Carrie did:
- There’s dog sh*t everywhere
- People speak French, not English
- Young women may not be friendly to you (although he might not have trouble with that one)
- There are dogs in coffee shops
“Do you come here often?… Are you going to eat that cake?”
7. Get credit on his phone
Victoria and the kids will be staying in London while he plays in Paris, because that’s where the couple’s three boys are in school (baby Harper is, er, a baby, so not in school yet).
That’s a lot of phone calls he’s gonna be making.
He should also familiarise himself with this timetable for trains between London and Paris.
“My cherie amour…” Ian West/PA Wire/Press Association Images