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Dublin: 3 °C Saturday 19 April, 2014

Common advice we all give… and what you should ACTUALLY do

‘Don’t mind them love’. Thanks, that helps me in NO WAY!

WE ALL KNOW how to dish it out, and a lot of us can take it.

In the words of the Gardai:

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But sometimes–as discussed over on Reddit–the advice given is so mundane, vague or just plain wrong, that you can’t help but ignore it. Here are a few of the worst offenders.

1. Dealing with a nosebleed

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Shutterstock

What you should do instead:

Sit up, lean it forward and pinch the bridge until it stops. If there’s too much blood in stomach it’ll make you sick–and that’s bound to do nothing for your gushing nose.

2. Just say no!

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Flickr/swanksalot

What you should do instead:

If you can’t always get what you want, respect a no, especially if the question is; ‘Should I do this?’ at 3am of a post-Ray’s Sunday morning.

3. Cleaning wounds

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Shutterstock

What you should do instead:

The same goes for iodine and rubbing alcohol–they can cause tissue necrosis and are no more effective than soap and water. So the stinging doesn’t mean it’s getting better. The only thing that’ll save you now is high pressure irrigation with sterile or saline water.

4. Ignore the haters

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What you should do instead:

Whether it’s bullies or bees, your mammy always tells you to ‘ignore them’ or ‘they’re more afraid of you than you are of them’. You imagine it’ll be all water off a duck’s back.

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Sometimes it’s essential to stick up for yourself and be assertive. What would Cady Heron be doing if she hadn’t stood up for herself? She’d be wearing jeans on Friday, that’s what.

5. Live to extremes

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Flickr/wales_gibbons

Modernised as ‘YOLO!’ this advice is commonly given out to encourage people to forget their worries and just enjoy the moment as hey, it could be your LAST.

What you should do instead:

Plan ahead a bit… maybe it’ll avoid those situations that cause you to worry. Everything else is out of your control. On that note…

6. Whatever will be, will be

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What you should do instead:

Get up and do something. Do you think Will Smith in The Pursuit of Happyness’ sat around waiting for a fortune to come his way? No, he didn’t. Look at him now.

7. Jump before you’re pushed

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Flickr/dsifry

Except when you heard WRONG.

What you should do instead:

Talk it out… or wait until they dump you and plot a plan to destroy their lives.

8. Carrots are good for your sight

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Flickr/theimpulsivebuy

What you should do instead:

Eat the carrot instead of wearing it. Get glasses if you need them. Avoid staring at your computer screen too long if you don’t. Watch the ho ho ho, Green Giant ad again.


9. PREACH!

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Flickr/newtown_grafitti

What you should do instead:

Some people should probably keep their opinions to themselves. See: Katie Hopkins. Or, you could air these controversial opinions all over television for a suitable fee.

10. The world is your oyster

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Flickr/ajschwegler

What you should do instead:

Not a bad mantra to keep in mind, but willing away 10 years of your life in the hope of becoming the next Spielberg with a camera phone probably isn’t going to benefit anybody. Maybe settle for Scorsese, he got the Oscar eventually.

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11. Honesty is integrity

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What you should do instead:

When have you ever been honest with your girlfriend when she asks how many pints you had last night, or how that One Direction CD got into your car? NEVER. And aren’t we all the better for it?

12. Customers can do no wrong

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Flickr/nateOne

But what about the ones that are WRONG?

What you should do instead:

The advice really should be, ‘if the customer has a problem, there is a problem.’ Yes, listen to and acknowledge the complaint, but surely you, the experienced staff member, are slightly more in-the-know than your customer.

What happens if the customer says they’re always wrong? A paradox, that’s what.

What crappy advice do you always get that drives you crazy?

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