Enda the world!

Big fish, little fish..cardboard box!

3: “The answer is simple; we kill the Batman”.
2: “Stay perfectly still. The Christmas Tree Raptor’s vision is based on movement.”
1: “BREAKING: GARGANTUAN MAYO MAN TILTS WORLD ON AXIS: BILLIONS DEAD”"

1) You can leave Ireland to anywhere in the world!

2) Please Santa, let there be 3.6billion under the tree!

3) The IMF are this far up my ar*e

1. “I borrowed this globe from BBC news. I like to pretend I’m a giant. Darren Scully couldn’t get over how big Africa is compared to Naas.”

2. “Here’s the church and here’s the steeple. Look inside. There’s all the people!”

3. “Rumours of a rift in the coalition are nonsense. Look here. That’s me, and that’s Eamon. We’re like two peas in a pod.”

1. This stress ball is not big enough,
2. Yuk, my fingers smell funny,
3. Dont go there girlfriend, next question please

1/ I’ve got the whole world in my hand, except for East Timor, The Vatican and …..

2/ Our Fatherland which art in Germany……

3? Clowns to left of me ,jokers to the right, Here I am stuck…..

1. This is about the size my left tisticle grew to after I picked up that dose last year.
2. *thinks* Jaysus, after the Darren Scully f*ck up I can’t open with that joke…
3. They don’t call me “Quick Draw Kinny” for nothing! See that? No you didn’t, it was too fast!

1) We have an expert team looking for a country which will accept Kevin Cardiff

1) Top of the red sea pole.

2) I’ve been very good, let the budget pass.

3) How long untill economic recovery….? This long.

1) “You think this is big? Imagine the size of the toilet whose cistern it’s from.”

2) “I have a five point star…no, PLAN. A five point plan. Not a five point star. Oh God, I just know I’m going to say ‘five point star’ now. It’s'plan’ Enda, ‘plan’ “.

3) “So I looked her right in the eye, just like this, and I said, ‘Angela, don’t worry about a thing, just leave it all to your pistol-packin’ papa.”

1. This global downturn has knocked the world sideways.

2. Forgive me father for I have sinned….

3. This is how far the divide between the have’s and have-not’s is now. Wait until you see hoe far I can stretch after the budget.

1) Keen to refute claims that the world had gone pear shaped, Enda literally demonstrates that it is, in fact, the shape of a beef tomato.

2) Enda closes his eyes and prayed to God that no-one would spot him when he sneaked up to Newry to do his Christmas big shop.

3) “Greed, for lack of a better word, is good.”

1. Chancellor Merkel has told me every man, woman and child in the state has to have one of these inserted rectally by Christmas and I think thats entirely reasonable

2. Happy…..happy!….eh happy….no, don’t tell me. I know this one….

3. Don’t make me double “girlfriend snap” your pasty Cork ass again Deputy Martin

1) let me show you where we bought apartments

2) please god, no questions on the economy

3) don’t look up

1, so the plan is to leave the Eurozone and move here, just beside Austrailia.

1. Ah sure everyone knows old Eamon’s a real ‘head the ball’

2. Note so self, send a memo to the opw telling them to cut down on the amount of decoration on the tree. Times are hard for everyone and we must lead by example.

3. Are you ready Leinster House choir? 1, 2, 3 and O Tannenbaum, o Tannenbaum, Wie treu sind deine Blätter…………………….

1st pic: “Kevin, I think it’s time you considered continuing your career outside my jurisdiction, there’s this lovely little island off the coast of Surinam…..”

Our newest secret weapon – globehead. As minister for foreign affairs I pray that he will handle all the crap that goes on outside of ireland so I can concentrate on improving my obama style hand gestures

He Gave the Whole World to Herr Hans
He Gave the Whole World to Herr Hans

1. The Earth is round.

2. Santa & God are real.

3. Competition : Which of the two above are true ?

1) // Behind the globe, Gilmore asks “What are we going to do tonight, Enda?” // Enda replies “The same thing we go every night, Táiniste, try to TAKE OVER THE WORLD”

2) // Prays // I’m not normally a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman

3) // Now does voice over for LMFAO // Everyday I’m Shufflin’

Pic 1: if I could just get another one of these,I may have the balls to stand up to ms Merkal!!!
Pic 2: bless me father for I have sinned…..I’ve told lies,lies and more lies!
Pic 3: when we said give two fingers to the IMF,we didn’t mean them two enda!!!!

1) if I land this hook shot can we have our money back please our German overlords??

2) help me Jebus!!

3) we will rave our way out of recession, everybody dance now!!!!

3. Who’s your sexy daddy?

(1) so what you’re saying, this is to scale?

(2) maybe if I pretend I am praying, nobody will realize I have glued my hands together

(3) this Jedi mind trick doesn’t seem to be having the desired effect.

1) so basically we owe all these money
2) “This time last year it was much easier”
3) The economy can only really go one way from here

1) If a tennis ball represents an average balls up, here’s the current state of Ireland …….
2) The tree is as big a load of balls as my speech
3) There are little mistakes, medium foul-ups and here’s where we are so far ….

1) Jaysus what’s that country in red? It’s feckin huge!

2) Can someone put the lid back on the superglue? Please!

3) …and the emergency exits are on the left and right…

2) Who needs a Papal Nuncio – this praying stuff is easy

1. Keep blowing Gilmore… Where’s all your huff and puff now???

2. Jesus where did I leave that copy of the budget… Last place I saw it was innnnnnnnnnnn ….. Dammmmmmm Angela’s office!!!!

3. And that’s the way the Fonz done it do it should work for us!!!

1) Kenny gets nixer spinning the globe for BBC World News

2) Save me Jebus!

3) Loosers

3) You hear this song? This Song ROCKS

1: No, this is a replica. The bubble we burst was much bigger.

1. Look, we have more debt than all these!

2. Please God, that’s not Gay Mitchell hidden in the lectern.

1) What are you doing here Gilmore ? Get out if the photo!

2) Our Father, who art in heaven hollowed be my name
Thy kingdom come will be done as it is in my constituency ,
Give us this day our yearly budget ,
And forgive those who fuck up against us !
And lead me into temptation and make me the evilest bastard you can
Amen.

3) Here follows party political broadcast to the elderly on behalf of the FG Jedi Council!
“you don’t need a medical card”! ” Medical cards confuse you”! ” you need to go home and rethink your life”!

1) This defintely makes basketball harder

2) Christ let that be an Xbox under there

3) I don’t reach for the stars, I point, which in the long-term is more energy efficient

2) Please Dear Jesus …. help me “Make an honest man of Deputy Gilmore” !!!

1) Here you can see the countries that are in the red…
2) The response is ‘In the national interest’…

1. Some egos can be this big

2. How do I explain that Christmas is cancelled

3. Stretch the condom between your fingers & then slip it over your head & inflate by blowing through your nostrils

Ball
Balls
Dropped the ball

1. THIS is the size of the ball I’m about the drop
2. Dear Jesus HELP ME!!!
3. Got it sorted!

3) You hear this song?? This song ROCKS

1.He’s got the whole bubble in his hands!
2.Thank you God for the 3 billion but now can you get Cardiff off the hook.
3.Look I can use both hands to pick my nose!

3. In the whest all be had to do was ride around firing our guns in the air, but these IMF injuns don’t scare so easy

3) Yes I am the devil, and yes these are my horns… Next question???

Fancy some gobstopper?

(a) We have discovered that all the bondholders and our creditors are earth bound so we are moving Ireland to a different planet entirely…the one that those feckers in Anglo were living on.
(b) Please Santa all I want for Christmas is my P45.
(c) There is no rift in the coalition we are both committed to the same path, and are both going in the same direction, this one..

#1. I’m promising the people of Ireland, the world is flat!

Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the biggest bollocks of them all….

1. Just reminding you that about 4 years ago we had the whole world in our hands. But we threw it all away.

2) shit! my script…

1. Put this back on the tree, good lad!

2. Officer Mahoney I’ll get you back for this!

3. Someone point these microphones this direction so no one can hear the shi*e i’m about to come out with

1, Man with sideways globe for a head has chin tickled by Irish teeshuk

3 – I shit you not, Deputy Gilmore is this big.

1. I need another one of these to make a pair of balls to stand up to the IMF
2. Even a pair of shiny balls might do.
3. But no, all I got is a flute this long on my forehead

1. Impressive, but he’s no frying pan bender.

2. “OK Enda, just picture everyone in their underwear.”

3. Hack my phone and I’ll prod you like THIS and then like THIS!!

I have the whole balls up in my hands.

I will wait until I have everyones balls in my hand, before I squeeze……

1- We inherited a problem that is bigger than even this, and despite what ye might like, itll take years to fix it, not months.

2- God grant me the serenity not to choke the jaysus out of some of the clowns that were elected into the Dáil. Shane ‘crybaby’Ross, Luke ‘minger’ Flanagan, Dickey-boy Barrett, and ‘wildboy’ Walace would be the first to get it.

3- “Unfortunately, theres one thing I do know. That is that we will do all the hard work, and the knuckle-draggers will emerge from the shadows in 5 years and vote FF back into power”

It’s the new global social charge in addition to the universal social charge nice one enda

Who cares, go and do some god damned work Enda!

1 = pop

He did promise us the world in his election drive, that’s one thing he’s delivered on!!

1 my boy lollipop !! Do do do do
2 I say a little prayer for you
3 could the real slim shady please stand up

All songs from Irish politics the musical

A) What’s this bit under here, maybe there’s another revenue stream hiding in there.

1. Everything must go. Closing down sale.

2. I am wishing for more corporate donations/Envelopes.

3. I am the Puppet Master and Labour better remember it.