IT’S JANUARY 2ND. The chances are, you’re back at work.
And if you’re not today, you will be soon.*
Here are nine things that would make your first day back just slightly more bearable.
*But we’re still jealous, OK?
1. The automatic breakfast-making machine from Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure
Let’s be honest: collecting yourself enough to make tea/coffee AND toast/cereal simultaneously, at an ungodly hour of the morning you probably haven’t seen since December 21, is an impossible task.
They’ve been teasing us with these things since The Jetsons – now why in the name of all that is caffeinated isn’t there one in every home? GET IT TOGETHER, SCIENTISTS.
2. One of these implausibly sexy massage chairs
Boom-chicka-wah-wah. We’re contacting HR about our dire need for this immediately.
3. This utterly hypnotising desk toy
Let’s face it – how much work are you realistically going to get done today? You might as well spend your time wisely.
*stares mutely at magnetic desk toy for next four hours*
4. Intravenous coffee
We are SO. TIRED. of getting up to go to the kettle.
5. Or alternatively, an office nap room
Nap photo from Shutterstock
We’re pretty sure naps are somewhere in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.
6. A gradually diminishing supply of turkey sandwiches
Sandwich photo from Shutterstock
To wean us off our addiction. Sort of like a turkey sandwich recovery programme. We can’t just walk away from this on our own.
7. A hug from this guy
Best. Hugger. Ever.
8. If it wasn’t January
Sigh… But wait! Relief is on the way:
9. Listening to this over and over again
YouTube/Patrick T. Lo
You’re welcome! Best of luck with the first day back, everyone!
And just remember: it feels like Monday, but it’s actually Wednesday. WE CAN PRACTICALLY COUNT THE SECONDS UNTIL THE WEEKEND.