FORGET ABOUT MARRIAGE proposals or moving jobs, the following are some of the actually ridiculously tough decisions we face day-to-day in this harsh and unforgiving world…
1. To shake or not shake
The terribly terrifying moment when you’re introduced to someone and you have a split second to decide whether or not to shake their hand.
It’s made all the worse when your friend is introducing you to one of their mates. Offer the shake and you seem really formal, don’t offer the shake and you could come across as downright rude.
2. Snoozing the alarm
Either way it can have disastrous consequences.
Snooze and you’ll definitely be slightly late. Turn off your alarm because you ‘think’ you don’t need an extra few minutes kip then you actually risk falling back to sleep and waking up HOURS later!
3. Which shop queue to get into
The addition of the self-service v cashier debate has now added another layer to an already arduous decision. You think you’re the smart alec choosing the shortest queue but you could get stuck behind an old man who takes forever!
4. Eat this first or go to the toilet first
There’s nothing worse than having to go to the toilet while you’re eating.
Being the ravenous creatures that we are we’ll usually choose food, which leads to an odd kind of dance in the kitchen as you try to quickly chow down a Hobnob.
5. Where to sit on public transport
Can’t sit there, there’s no leg room; can’t sit there, he looks like he smells; can’t sit there, it’s dangerously close to those screaming kids; can’t sit there, the sun will blind me; can’t sit there, she’s too good looking and I’ll only make a fool of myself. I’ll sit here … Aw nuts I’ve sat on chewing gum!
Now this might be OK when on a ten-minute journey but when you’re getting a bus or train across the country, wrong seat decisions can prove catastrophic.
6. What to do when an alarm goes off
You’re walking out of a shop after paying for everything but the alarm goes off.
Leave and they’ll assume you’re guilty; stay and they’ll just look at you thinking ‘why didn’t they just leave?’.
Our solution…
Run away, run away!
YouTube/DanBiazoto
7. Putting the washing out before going to work
Don’t put your clothes out on the line before heading to work and they’ll lie damp in the machine for the day, put them out and you’re basically guaranteed a mid-afternoon office meltdown when it inevitably starts to rain.
8. Telling something important by text or by calling
You’ve some serious gossip to unload. If you decide to call the person you want to tell then you run the risk of it being overheard. Instead, if you decide to text them you might … you might … send the text to the person the gossip was about!
9. Greeting someone with a kiss on the cheek
Irish men are just too awkward to go around kissing people on cheeks when greeting them. It inevitably ends in complete disaster!
Go in for the kiss and you could either be seen as a bit of a creep or maybe even accidentally kiss them on the lips.
Don’t go for a quick peck and you might come across as cold or you may even leave the poor person expecting one looking like an eejit with their face tilted in the air.
10. Giving change to people collecting for charity
Walking up Henry Street – give a few euro to someone collecting for charity. Get to O’Connell Street – have no change left for the bus. Or don’t give them money and that terrible feeling of guilt and selfishness!
11. Reading lists on the internet when you’re supposed to be working
Ah yea, thought you were the right auld rebel reading this on the sly in the office. Decided to risk it and go for a cheeky read of the DailyEdge. Well look behind you, YOUR BOSS IS WATCHING!
…
I’m joking, I’m joking.
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